Only in America
August 21, 2013

A Florida woman was arrested on a misdemeanor charge after she called 911 on the cop who issued her a traffic ticket. "I looked at the defendant and asked her if she called 911," the officer wrote in the report. "She told me she did and when I asked her why, she told me because I was writing her tickets." Samantha Rollins

veterans affairs
5:58 a.m. ET
Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images/Comedy Central

For the past three years, Daily Show host Jon Stewart has been quietly running five-week-long boot camps aimed at getting interested war veterans into the television industry. On Monday, The New York Times made the program public, publishing an interview in which Stewart explained why he hasn't been touting the program — he didn't want Daily Show fans as much as vets looking to break into Hollywood, for example — and why he is talking about it now: He's retiring, and he wants other TV shows to create similar programs.

"This is ready to franchise. Please steal our idea," Stewart told The Times. “It isn't charity. To be good in this business you have to bring in different voices from different places, and we have this wealth of experience that just wasn't being tapped." Stewart said that veterans face a special challenge when it comes to getting jobs in the TV business:

There are well-worn channels into this industry that are closed off to veterans.... You get into the television industry generally by going to certain colleges known for having good television programs, getting internships, and getting to know people who work in the industry. A lot of veterans never had that opportunity because they were busy at war. This is a way to give them that chance. [Stewart]

Stewart has hired at least two vets for the show, and says they are “way less whiny” than most of his employees. Read more about the program at The New York Times.

Mergers and acquisitions
5:30 a.m. ET
Spencer Platt/Getty Images

On Tuesday, Charter Communications confirmed its bid to buy Time Warner Cable for about $55.33 billion in cash and stock. If the deal is approved, Charter would pay about $195 a share, which is about 14 percent more than Time Warner Cable's closing stock price on Friday. If you include debt, the deal is worth about $78.7 billion. The combination of Charter, Time Warner, and Bright House Networks would have 23 million customers in the U.S., second only to Comcast's 27 million. Comcast dropped its bid for Time Warner Cable last month, amid regulatory scrutiny. Peter Weber

ISIS
5:02 a.m. ET

Islamic State controls a chunk of territory about the size of Belgium, and that territory doesn't govern itself. You probably already know about the self-proclaimed "caliph," Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, but if you've ever been curious about the rest of ISIS's organizational chart, BBC News tries to fill in the blanks. Given the nature of ISIS, the BBC isn't able to provide a complete chart — al-Baghdadi's "inner circle is secretive and keeps changing as members are killed," BBC News notes — but it's an interesting look at the big picture, and in just 90 seconds. Watch below. —Peter Weber

Quotables
4:28 a.m. ET
Kevin Winter/Getty Images for AFI

If you are wondering how Art Garfunkel feels about erstwhile musical partner Paul Simon, Nigel Farndale at Britain's The Telegraph has a pretty candid interview with the singer-poet. "He's a hard man to get the measure of, Art Garfunkel," Farndale writes. "On the one hand he still seems eaten up by bitterness about his divorce from Paul Simon, yet he also talks about his old friend (they were at school together) with deep affection."

"I want to open up about this," Garfunkel told Farndale when he asked about Simon breaking up Simon & Garfunkel in 1970, at the height of their popularity.

I don't want to say any anti–Paul Simon things, but it seems very perverse to not enjoy the glory and walk away from it instead. Crazy. What I would have done is take a rest from Paul, because he was getting on my nerves. The jokes had run dry. But a rest of a year was all I needed. [Garfunkel]

Later in the interview, Garfunkel said that he is absolutely willing to tour with Simon again, as he has been since 1971. Then he seemed to rhetorically address Simon: "How can you walk away from this lucky place on top of the world, Paul? What's going on with you, you idiot? How could you let that go, jerk?"

Read the entire interview for Garfunkel's jaundiced views of Paul McCartney, his 1970s math-teaching career, and his fail-safe pickup line, among other revelations. But Garfunkel ended with a bang, suggesting that Simon has a Napoleon complex, that he befriended him in grade school because he felt sorry for his short stature, and that "that compensation gesture has created a monster." Peter Weber

It's about time
3:50 a.m. ET

"It tastes like beer," is pretty high praise for a non-alcoholic brew. It's also the surprise verdict of The Wall Street Journal's Emma Moody, when presented with Clausthaler's new Amber Dry Hopped near-beer. Reporter Charles Passy presented the non-alcoholic beer to show Memorial Day weekend drivers that there are alternatives to sparkling water or DWIs, but beer without a buzz is useful for people who aren't able to drink alcohol for whatever reason, like pregnancy or a desire to enjoy the day but drink beer with breakfast.

The usual problem with non-alcoholic beer is that it tastes awful, or at least nothing like beer. The addition of delicious Cascade hops (from Yakima, Washington, which Passy mangles — it's pronounced YEAH-kih-ma) appears to solve that problem. It isn't exactly an IPA, but it's pretty close, and "it's definitely drinkable," Moody says. "I think it's refreshing for a summer day," Passy adds. That's more than can be said of most alcohol-free beer. —Peter Weber

critically endangered
2:08 a.m. ET

Conservationists have a dire warning: Maui's dolphin, the smallest and rarest of the world's dolphins, could be extinct within 15 years if they are not better protected.

There are fewer than 50 Maui's dolphins left in the wild, researchers say, found only in the waters off New Zealand. The German conservation group Nabu said that fishing must be banned across their habitat so they won’t get caught in nets, or else their extinction is a "matter of when, not if," leader Dr. Barbara Mass told BBC News. These figures are a "loud wakeup call," she said. "New Zealand has to abandon its current stance, which places the interests of the fishing industry above biodiversity conservation, and finally protect the dolphins' habitat from harmful fishing nets, seismic airgun blasts, and oil and gas extraction."

Scientists estimate that five Maui's dolphins are killed every year by gillnets or trawling, and a spokesman for New Zealand's minister for conservation said the office would not comment until recommendations are made in June by the scientific committee of the International Whaling Commission. Catherine Garcia

Watch this
1:56 a.m. ET

You've never heard "Roxanne" performed like this, probably. You can judge whether or not that's a good thing after watching the video below, from last Friday's Tonight Show. Barbershop is a new direction for the musically adventurous Sting, but when Jimmy Fallon gets a bit randy during the song, Sting showed that he, at least, is familiar with the genre. And if you don't like a barbershop treatment for The Police, well, at least it has Sting's stamp of acceptance. —Peter Weber

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