Tina Fey has a simple plan for countering the coming 'alt-right' rallies. It's more gluttony than glory.
Former Saturday Night Live head writer, "Weekend Update" anchor, and University of Virginia alumna Tina Fey has some thoughts about last weekend's violence in Charlottesville, President Trump's response to it, and what to do next. After Trump blamed "many sides" for the violence and death of a counterprotester at a white supremacist march, "I'm feeling sick, because, you know, I've seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, and I wasn't confused by it," Fey told current "Weekend Update" anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che on Thursday night. "No, Colin, Nazis are always bad, I don't care what you say."
But this isn't over, she said, as Jost protested, because there are nine more alt-right rallies planned for Saturday, including one in New York City's Washington Square Park. "And part of me hopes these neo-Nazis do try it in New York City — like, I hope they try it and get the ham salad kicked out of them by a bunch of drag queens," Fey said. "But at the same time, I don't want any more good people to get hurt." So instead of going to protest the neo-Nazis and fight and shout this out, she said, non-Nazi sympathizers should support a local business — specifically a bakery that sells American flag cakes. "Sheetcaking is a grassroots movement, Colin," Fey said. "Most of the women I know have been doing it once a week since the election."
"Sheetcaking" isn't staying silent, exactly — you just yell what you want to say to the white supremacists (and Ann Coulter) into the cake while you are shoving forkfuls of cake into your mouth. Fey demonstrated how that's done, including the speaking-your- mind part. "In conclusion, I really want to say, to encourage all good, sane Americans to treat these rallies this weekend like the opening of a thoughtful movie with two female leads: don't show up," she said. "Let these morons scream into the empty air." You may not feel much better about the state of the country after watching this, but you might feel a little peckish. Peter Weber
President Trump announced plans to expand U.S. nuclear capabilities during his signing of the $1.3 trillion omnibus spending bill Friday, pledging to create the "most powerful nuclear force on Earth."
The president leaned heavily on his praise of increased military and defense funds within the federal spending bill, which he said he signed reluctantly after threatening a veto earlier Friday.
"We're spending a lot of money on nuclear, our nuclear systems, to upgrade and in some cases brand new, whether it's submarines, nuclear submarines, and others," he said.
Trump claimed that building up the U.S. nuclear arsenal would mean that no other country would "come even close" in capability.
"We'll have by far the most powerful nuclear force on Earth and it will be absolutely in perfect shape and condition and hopefully, praise be to God we don't ever have to use it," he said. Watch his remarks below, via Fox News. Summer Meza
Trump: "We will have by far the most powerful nuclear force on the Earth." pic.twitter.com/vcWnuFsCcv
— Washington Examiner (@dcexaminer) March 23, 2018
In his usual disappointing fashion, Punxsutawney Phil spotted his shadow on Groundhog Day and promised six more weeks of winter.
That was seven weeks ago. So with the Northeast freshly coated by another massive storm, a Pennsylvania sheriff is coming after the dishonest rodent.
The Monroe County Sheriff's office put up a wanted poster accusing a brown-haired, 20-pound suspect of "deception," WBRE reported.
The groundhog is still at large, but the public is encouraged to phone in tips on the fugitive's whereabouts. Kathryn Krawczyk
President Trump addressed recipients of the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals immigration program during his signing of the omnibus spending package Friday, telling young immigrants brought into America illegally as children: "The Republicans are with you."
Trump further insisted: "The Democrats fought us. They just fought every single inch of the way. They did not want DACA in this bill." He added that he wants "the Hispanic community to know and DACA recipients to know that Republicans are much more on your side than the Democrats, who are using you for their own purposes."
Pres. Trump to DACA recipients: "The Republicans are with you...the Democrats fought us. They just fought every single inch of the way. They did not want DACA in this bill." https://t.co/1yvmBkkQQc pic.twitter.com/sPPtdlMprM
— ABC News Politics (@ABCPolitics) March 23, 2018
President Trump on Friday reluctantly signed the $1.3 trillion spending bill passed by Congress, after writing on Twitter earlier in the morning that he was "considering a VETO." With his tweet, Trump had built up the hopes of some critics who are angry about a resulting budget deficit of more than $800 billion this year, including Sen. Bob Corker (R-Tenn.), who urged Trump to "please do" veto the measure.
Trump said he signed the bill "to take care of our military," but vowed, "I will never sign another bill like this again." He called for Congress to give him the power of a line-item veto for spending bills and to kill the legislative filibuster in the Senate. "Nobody read it," he said of the legislation he signed. "It's only hours old. Some people don't even know what's in it."
The omnibus provides $1.6 billion for the border wall, far short of what the White House wanted, but it also increases spending on the military and border protection. It does not address the DACA program, which provides protections for young undocumented immigrants. Jeva Lange
President Trump he “will never sign another bill like this again,” referring to the spending bill’s size and the speed at which it was passed. pic.twitter.com/V9gjk0GG3m
— BuzzFeed News (@BuzzFeedNews) March 23, 2018
Pennsylvania superintendent proposes equipping classrooms with buckets of rocks for students to throw at gunmen
In an idea that makes bringing knives to a gunfight sound like a prudent decision, the superintendent of the Blue Mountain School District in Pennsylvania has suggested equipping classrooms with "five-gallon bucket[s] of river stone" so that "if an armed intruder attempts to gain entrance into any of our classrooms, they will face a classroom full [of] students armed with rocks and they will be stoned."
The idea, first reported by Pennsylvania's ABC 16, came to Dr. David Helsel, who announced it at the House Education Committee meeting in Harrisburg. He stressed that the rocks ought to be "the right size for hands" and that they need to be thrown "very hard" in order to fend off a potential attacker who could be armed with a semi-automatic rifle.
One student, a senior at Blue Mountain High School, said he liked the idea because "anything helps, rocks are better than books and pencils." A college student in Schuylkill Haven dismissed the idea as "rather comical."
Maybe everyone just needs to take a deep breath and go back to the drawing board. Has anyone considered sling shots? Spitballs? Jeva Lange
Sparring partners Chris Cuomo and Kellyanne Conway were at it again on CNN's New Day on Friday morning, debating the hypothetical fist-fight between President Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden. Cuomo blasted Trump for focusing on such distractions, wondering "how difficult is it to get the job done there," while the White House counselor waved off his complaints.
Trump "doesn't spend much time on that," Conway insisted, claiming that it is Biden and "that woman who lost the election whose name I don't say on your network anymore" that "seem pretty obsessed."
Cuomo said that "only one" of the people engaged in the debate is the president, although Conway countered that Biden "was vice president for eight years" and Hillary Clinton was "a former secretary of state and [a] twice failed presidential candidate." Conway asked: "They have considerable platforms, why aren't they using them for more good?"
Cuomo shut her down: "Don't take us down that road," he said. "I don't care what she's doing. She's not in charge of keeping my kids safe ... You guys are. You're in power." Watch the heated exchange below. Jeva Lange
The Department of Justice has charged nine Iranians in a major hacking conspiracy that targeted American universities and government agencies. The Trump administration on Friday announced criminal indictments against the alleged hackers, who were involved in "massive, coordinated cyberintrusions" at the behest of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, an intelligence-gathering arm of the Iranian government.
Also Friday, the Treasury Department announced sanctions against 10 Iranians, in tandem with the DOJ's indictments. Nine of the sanctioned individuals were the nine indicted Friday, who are "leaders, contractors, associates hackers-for-hire or affiliates" of the Mabna Institute, an Iranian company accused of working with Tehran to steal more than 31 terabytes of intellectual property and data in what officials called a "significant, malicious" attack. The 10th individual was indicted in November for involvement in hacking HBO computer servers.
The stolen data was "one of the largest state-sponsored hacking campaigns" ever, officials said, affecting at least 300 universities worldwide, 144 of which were in the United States. The Department of Labor, the United Nations, and the states of Hawaii and Indiana were also targeted, a DOJ announcement stated.
The revealed cyberattacks "should send a message around the world about Iran's continued deceptive practices," said Sigal Mandelker, the Treasury Department's undersecretary for terrorism and financial intelligence, "but it should come as no surprise."