Celebrity chef, supermarket-themed game show host, and king of middle-American indulgence Guy Fieri is known for his eccentric menus (and his bowling shirts). But we're here to talk about his menus, specifically the newly released menu for his new Las Vegas restaurant.
This menu doesn't mess around, brah. It's jam-packed with all sorts of "bold flavors" and dips and sauces and smears and meat and meat and oh, the humanity, so much more meat.
Allow me to set your mouth a-watering with these "gnarly" offerings:
Real item: Guy-talian Fondue Dippers
"Pepperoni-wrapped breadstick twists served alongside our smoky provolone + sausage cheese dip, topped with fresh tomato bruschetta."
Synopsis: Meat you dip in more meat.
Real item: The Guy-talian Deli Salad
"We have built this salad in a crown of prosciutto-wrapped smoked provolone! Filled with crisp romaine lettuce, imported Italian meats & cheeses, pickled Italian veggies + tossed in a red wine vinaigrette."
Synopsis: Meaty salad served in a meat bowl.
Real item: The Mayor of Flavortown Burger
"The meat blanket of seasoned pastrami sends this burger outta bounds. Swiss, caraway seed slaw, dill pickles, onion straws, Dijon mustard + an 'awesome pretzel bun' finish off this bad boy."
Synopsis: Meat blanket? Meat blanket.
Real item: The Triple B Burger
"Go big or go home! Kicked up with Creole blackened spice & topped with blue cheese, ancho bacon, ITOP + a generous smear of Guy's famous donkey sauce."
Synopsis: "Generous smear," and "famous donkey sauce" speak for themselves.
Real item: Tatted-Up Turkey Burger
"This burger is a work of art like Guy's tattoos. Smash-grilled with poblanos & pepper jack. Topped with gouda, ancho bacon, sweet pepper red onion jam, LTOP, donkey sauce + served on an 'awesome pretzel' bun."
Synopsis: Here are Guy Fieri's bad tattoos. Now imagine the food equivalent of Guy Fieri's bad tattoos.
Real item: Fireball Whiskey Wings
"These wings are certainly not for the faint of heart & should probably be illegal. Classic buffalo sauce + fireball whiskey meet to ignite a flavor explosion of epic proportions. Try Guy's blue-sabi sauce to put out the fire!"
Synopsis: Wings covered in cloying cinnamon whiskey; should actually be illegal
Real item: Guy's Cheesecake Challenge
"A huge mountain of cheesecake topped with potato chips, pretzels + hot fudge."
Synopsis: A dessert topped with two snacks and another dessert. Jon Terbush