Doug Jones tells Seth Meyers about how he won in Alabama, Roy Moore, sexual misconduct, and Jimmy Buffett
Since winning Alabama's special Senate election, Doug Jones has been living his best life, texting with Charles Barkley and being feted by fellow Alabamian Jimmy Buffett while celebrating his 25th wedding anniversary on Key West, he told Seth Meyers on Thursday's Late Night. He said that assuming his win is certified next week — opponent Roy Moore hasn't conceded — he hopes to be able to work with President Trump and Republicans on issues they agree on, like the CHIP children's health program, but "they've got to want to work with you as well."
Jones said he won be being true to himself on liberal social issues but also because he hit "kitchen table issues" like education and especially health care, an issue he said was probably as important to his victory as Moore's extremist views and alleged sexual misconduct. Meyers said the world was certainly watching the election and asked if Moore's antics were "as hard to believe at times as it was for people who were maybe new to this?" "No, it was hard to believe all the time," Jones quipped. "It was surreal to watch some of that."
Meyers also asked about comments Jones made to CNN's Jake Tapper on Sunday where he said Democrats "need to move on and not get distracted" by the sexual assault allegations against Trump. "I wasn't really talking about moving on from those allegations," Jones told Meyers. America has "reached a tipping point, a kind of a crossroads" on sexual misconduct, he said, and "women's empowerment issues" were at the forefront of his campaign. "I think the people of Alabama voted for me to put me up there to try to talk about health care and those issues," Jones added. "But that doesn't by any stretch mean that I don't think that those issues and those women who have made those allegations aren't important." Watch below. Peter Weber
"I'm a little shaky tonight, because my heart has been hurting all day due to a condition my doctor calls 'hope,'" Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "Through the rubble of 2017, there was a glimmer of light, because last night, Roy Moore lost to Doug Jones in Alabama." His audience cheered. "It is the best gift ever given on the first night of Hanukkah — you're welcome, Roy Moore's Jewish lawyer," Colbert joked. "Thank you, black voters. It is the best thing African Americans have done for Alabama since they built it for free."
President Trump, who backed Moore, "tweeted something almost sportsmanlike" to Jones, Colbert said. But he predicted that Trump will end up deleting his tweets in support of Moore, just as he did with Luther Strange, "because backing a racist, homophobic teen-squeezer is one thing, but backing a loser, that's off-brand."
"African American women in Alabama really dealt Trump a blow last night, and Trump reached out to them today by firing his only female African-American adviser," Omarosa Manigault Newman. "Folks, this is huge. With Omarosa gone, who's gonna be in charge of...?" She reportedly didn't go quietly. Colbert wasn't sad at her departure, but he was a little disappointed that Trump let White House Chief of Staff John Kelly do the deed: "What the hell? Firing Omarosa is literally the only job Donald Trump is qualified for!"
Moore hasn't conceded, and he's hoping for a recount, against all odds. "But Roy Moore has one more way he thinks he could still win this Senate seat," Colbert said: divine intervention. "So I can't help but wonder: Is God really going to save Roy Moore's candidacy?" "No way, Jose," said the Late Show God. "I don't have time for that. Besides, Roy Moore doesn't need me — he can perform his own miracles: losing to a Democrat in Alabama." Watch below. Peter Weber
"Alabama has gone blue!" Trevor Noah marveled on Wednesday's Daily Show. He congratulated Senator-elect Doug Jones (D) on his victory, then said he didn't even really know what Jones looks like. "The truth is, in this race, nobody really paid attention to Doug Jones," Noah said. "The only question was: Who is Alabama gonna choose? An accused pedophile or a person allowed to babysit?"
Republicans are now left with a one-vote majority, but they only have themselves to blame for going with "Cowboy Roman Polanski," who still hasn't admitted he lost, Noah said, playing parts of Moore's non-concession speech. "My man, you're waiting to see what God is going to say? Alabama, after 25 years, just went Democrat. If there ever was an act of God, this is it. ... If I was God, I'd be so pissed at Roy Moore, I'd be like, 'Yo, dude, I gave you the biggest sign — I literally parted a red sea!'"
On Late Night, Seth Meyers mostly wanted to talk about Republicans. "One big question after the results came in was how will Donald Trump react? And surprisingly, he seemed to strike a conciliatory tone," he said, reading the tweet. "There is no way Donald Trump wrote that tweet. He probably went to the bathroom and forgot his phone, and somebody said, 'This is our chance, write something decent!'"
Meyers said this is a big black eye for Trump, the Republican Party, and Stephen Bannon, who made a big gaffe at Moore's madcap closing rally. "How stupid do you have to be to insult the University of Alabama in Alabama?" Meyers asked. "Who do you think they're going to support? Roll Tide or someone who looks like he literally rolled up in the tide?"
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert turned the end of the campaign into a plausible TV theme song, "The Legend of Roy Moore." Watch below. Peter Weber
There were a lot of factors that went into Senator-elect Doug Jones' (D) upset victory in Alabama on Tuesday night — a divided Republican Party, suburbanites who are fed up with President Trump, "and apparently, some people don't like accused kiddie-touchers," Trevor Noah said on Wednesday's Daily Show. "But there was one really huge factor that you can't ignore," he said: African Americans really turned out, giving Jones a higher percentage of the black vote than former President Barack Obama received.
Dulce Sloan came out and explained how it wasn't just black voters, but black women, who sank Republican Roy Moore. "You're welcome, white people, you're welcome," Sloan said, on behalf of all black women, and she had a suggestion: Maybe America could show its gratitude by "changing the laws to make it easier for us to vote, or sing our praises by giving us raises, or at the very least, cancel winter — you know only white people like snow."
On Late Night, Amber Ruffin also took a bow on behalf of black women. "Roy Moore was a well-known anti-gay, anti-Muslim, racist pedophile (allegedly)," she said. Most white women still voted for him, but 98 percent of black women voted for Jones. "P.S.: You know that's why Omarosa got fired today," Ruffin joked. "Trump was like, 'You promised me the black lady vote,' and she was probably like, 'I don't know any!'"
Ruffin invited white people to "appropriate" this example by black women, and noted that despite her initial fears about "black women" trending on Twitter, it turns out "everyone was writing 'Thank you, black women' — and that is cool, but when you're done thanking us, why don't you try voting for us and putting a few of us in office so we can run this s--t."
Daily Show regular Roy Wood Jr. just savored being publicly proud to be from Alabama. Watch below. Peter Weber
Tuesday is the big election in Alabama, with either Roy Moore or Doug Jones being sent to the Senate. On Monday night's Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kimmel said he did not understand why Moore is slightly favored to win the race, given his alleged predatory behavior toward teenage girls and related ban from the mall. "Maybe it's me, but if you aren't allowed to set foot inside a Hot Topic store, you shouldn't be allowed in the Senate of the United States," Kimmel said.
"A group that backs President Trump sent a 12-year-old girl to interview Roy Moore — for real," Kimmel said. "I don't know if the idea was to prove he could sit next to a young girl without hitting on her, but in any event, with this young lady at least, Judge Moore was a perfect gentleman." Well, until the end, in this version of the interview. "Obviously we faked that, but if he had done it, they'd still defend him," Kimmel said. He ended with a joke about Trump's first choice in the race being Jared from Subway.
"Roy Moore supporters spent the weekend going door to door, just like Roy Moore has to do when he moves into a new neighborhood," Stephen Colbert said on The Late Show, continuing the hebephilia jokes. He also found the interview with a 12-year-old girl a puzzling choice. "This is the worst matchup for an interview since they sent that honey-glazed ham to interview Chris Christie," he said. Still, if most Republicans in Congress are less than thrilled with Moore, Trump has gone all-in, and that's not surprising, Colbert said. "They both have a deep love of country — the country's Russia, but still." He played a recent video of Moore trashing the U.S., lauding Russia's Vladimir Putin, and saying a phrase in Russian that Colbert had a novel translation for. Watch below. Peter Weber
Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah have pet theories on why Trump and his GOP are standing by Roy Moore
At least nine women have accused Roy Moore of sexual misconduct while they were teenagers, "but the president is standing by his man for a simple reason," Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show, assuming President Trump voice: "Yes, we want stopping crime, we just not want stopping sexual assault." Moore, the Alabama GOP Senate nominee, is happy to have Trump's support, tweeting, "I look forward to fighting alongside the president to #MAGA," and Colbert suggested a new meaning for Trump's favorite acronym: "That's the sound teenage girls make when they see Roy Moore at the mall — MAGAAAH!"
Moore's surrogates aren't really helping, Colbert said, playing and recapping a novel talking point from a spokeswoman: "What about all the women who haven't accused him of sexual assault?" But "the madness of defending him does not stop there," he said, playing a truly cringeworthy defense of Moore from his chief strategist, Dean Young. "I'm from South Carolina," Colbert said, "and that is why our state motto is 'Hey, We're Not Alabama.'"
On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah had a saucier explanation for why Trump and most of the GOP are "so morally degenerate that they would actually back this man." Oddly, Trump backed Moore's rival in the GOP primary, he noted. "Back then, Moore's reputation was as a Bible-thumping defender of Christian values. But then the sexual misconduct stuff comes out and Trump's like, 'My man!'"
The Republican Party was pretty easily seduced, Noah said, spinning an elaborate 50 Shades of Grey analogy. "I realized that essentially, Donald Trump has set the Republican Party free," he said. "He's basically their Christian Grey, that's what he is. He's the playboy billionaire who came along and was like, 'I'm going to show you Republicans who you really are deep down on the inside.'" Noah fleshed out his analogy, and you can watch that below. Peter Weber
It turns out GOP Senate nominee Roy Moore's most vocal defender at a church event in Alabama Wednesday night was Jake Byrd, a character played by comedian Tony Barbieri on Jimmy Kimmel Live. "He's a man's man!" Byrd can be heard yelling after a member of the audience asks why Moore and his defenders think the entire town of Gadsden is lying about Moore harassing teenage girls when he was a 30-something county prosecutor. Byrd's role as a super-enthusiastic Moore fan appeared to confuse Moore on Wednesday night, before police escorted Byrd out, but by Thursday morning, Moore had caught on and started a Twitter fight with Jimmy Kimmel.
Kimmel played highlights of Byrd's performance at the Moore event on Thursday's Kimmel Live, plus interviews with Moore supporters that Byrd crashed, getting them to high-five him for damning defenses of Moore's alleged conduct. You can watch the stunt that started the feud below. Peter Weber
Thursday's Late Show opened with Satan protesting that he doesn't want Alabama GOP Senate nominee Roy Moore in hell, because "we have shopping malls down here, too!" — a response to a comment from Ivanka Trump about people who abuse children.
Stephen Colbert noted that sexual harassment is a bipartisan issue, starting with a tart takedown of Sen. Al Franken (D-Minn.), then pivoting to Moore. He noted that one of the four new women who came forward on Wednesday to accuse Moore of sexual impropriety wasn't, for a change, a teenager when Moore allegedly grabbed her, but a 28-year-old mother — though Moore did ask a lot of questions about her "pretty" daughters. "Well, that's just family values — in that he values dating your entire family," Colbert said.
Another woman said Moore called her at high school, during trig class, after she refused to give him her phone number. "That's impressive — Roy Moore actually made trigonometry the more appealing option," Colbert said. Moore is fighting back — against both the women and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Colbert analyzed Moore's signature in a high school yearbook and had a good laugh at Moore's misjudged "Bring. It. On" tweet.
Still, "all of these allegations have put Republicans in a tough position," Colbert noted. "They want to hold on to the Senate, but they don't want to back a perv." McConnell wanted Attorney General Jeff Sessions to step into the race, because of two attributes. "Yes, well-known and extremely popular in Alabama are the only criteria," Colbert said, "so in that case, your other choices are Forrest Gump, a statue of Bear Bryant, or a jug of sweet tea with sunglasses." He and bandleader Jon Batiste backed different candidates from that pool.
Colbert ended with a WWJD-inspired look at the $450 million sale of Leonardo Da Vinci's "Salvator Mundi." You can watch below. Peter Weber