Good week, Bad week

Good week for:

Wearing layers, after the temperature in Omaha went from 32 degrees on Sunday to 101 degrees on Tuesday. Both temperatures set records for May.

Marriage counseling, after a newlywed wife called 911 when her husband went missing during their Florida honeymoon, only to be told by police that he’d been arrested for attempting to hire a prostitute.

Dramatic comebacks, after mourners filing past Brighton Dama Zanthe’s coffin at his funeral screamed in terror when the 34-year-old Zimbabwean began moving and woke up. “I feel okay now,” said Zanthe.

Bad week for:

New York’s finest, after the city’s fire department was called out to rescue a police officer who got stuck up a tree trying to save a scared cat. When firefighters arrived on the scene, said a witness, “they all gathered around and laughed at him.”

Divine intervention, after North Miami mayoral candidate Anna Pierre distributed campaign posters featuring an endorsement from Jesus Christ. Pierre, who said she had personally received three signs of Jesus’ support, finished last in a seven-person race.

Publicity stunts, after a Missouri movie theater hired an actor to dress in tactical gear and storm an Iron Man 3 screening with a fake rifle, leading terrified moviegoers to call 911. Cinema manager Bob Wilkins said he wanted to whip up excitement for the movie, adding, “My job is to entertain people.”