Feature

Good week, Bad week

Good week for: The entrepreneurial spirit, Sanitizing history, Honesty; Bad week for: Lionfish, Polygamy, Heathens

Good week for:

The entrepreneurial spirit, after muscular rapper 50 Cent responded to a recent blizzard by renting himself out to shovel his wealthy Connecticut neighbors’ driveways. Fiddy charged $100 per mansion, with an additional charge for photos of him shoveling.

Sanitizing history, after an Alabama publisher said it would release an edited version of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in which 219 uses of the “N-word” will be replaced with “slave.”

Honesty, after Ferhat Kaya of Belgium found $393,630 in a safe in a former bank building he bought for his accounting company. After painstakingly counting the cash, he turned the money in to the police.

Bad week for:

Lionfish, after environmentalists released The Lionfish Cookbook, in response to the recent invasion of the predatory and ravenous fish in Florida waters. “Lionfish are delicious table fare with a delicate buttery flavor,” said the ReefEnvironmental Education Foundation.

Polygamy, after a Pakistani man was publicly beaten by two of his three wives, who accused him of having a secret fourth wife and planning to marry a fifth. “I am willing to swear on my life that I only have three wives,” said Mian Ishaq.

Heathens, after Harold Camping, leader of a nationwide Christian radio ministry, announced that “without a shadow of a doubt,” May 21, 2011, will be the day of judgment and the Rapture. Billboard signs in several cities are warning that The End is near. 

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