Feature

Good Week, Bad Week

Good week for:

Being spat upon, after a report found that 51 New York City bus drivers each took off an average of more than two paid months last year to recover from the emotional trauma of being spat on by passengers. Bristol Palin, Sarah Palin’s 19-year-old daughter, who is now charging from $15,000 to $30,000 to tell teens why they should practice abstinence, so they don’t become unwed mothers like her.

Keeping up with current events, after a study found that Britons actually spend slightly more time reading news online than looking at pornography.

Bad week for:

Intellectual discourse, after Alabama Republican gubernatorial candidate Bradley Byrne was accused in a GOP rival’s campaign ad of believing in evolution. Byrne insisted he’s a creationist who believes “every single word” in the Bible.Empathy, after the website Paddypower.com started accepting wagers on which species would become extinct first as a result of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. A $5 bet on the endangered Kemp’s Ridley turtle, for example, would earn $9.

Three Australian thugs who began robbing and beating a German medical student in Sydney right outside Ninja Senshi Ryu, a ninja warrior school. “You should have seen their faces when they saw us in ninja gear coming toward them,” one of the ninjas said. While fleeing in panic, the thugs were arrested.

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