It must be true...The best of the tabloids in 2016
■An Arkansas man woke to a nightmarish scene after his robotic vacuum cleaner ran over a pile of dog poop. Jesse Newton’s Roomba was carrying out its programmed 1:30 a.m. cleaning when it encountered a fresh pile of doo-doo left on a living-room rug by the family’s puppy. The Roomba sucked up the mess, Newton said, and spread it everywhere, leaving the house looking like “a Jackson Pollock poop painting.” Newton advised: “Do not, under any circumstances, let your Roomba run over dog poop. Oh, the horror.”
■An astronaut on the International Space Station phoned a British grandmother from space by mistake, and she hung up on him because she assumed he was a prank caller. British astronaut Tim Peake accidentally dialed Betty Barker, 79. “He just said, ‘Hello, is that planet Earth?’ So I said, ‘No,’” Barker said. “I thought it was someone who’d been out down the pub.’’ Barker now regrets hanging up. “It would have been nice to talk.”
■A buff kangaroo that likes flexing his muscles and posing for beefcake shots has become a star in Australia. Visitors are flocking to Alice Springs’ Kangaroo Sanctuary to see Roger, 9, flaunting his bulging biceps and pecs. The 6-foot-7-inch, 196-pound roo works out by wrestling with other males and crushing metal buckets between his paws. Keeper Chris Barnes won’t let visitors take a selfie with the macho marsupial, because Roger will “attack anyone or anything that gets too close to him or his women.”
■A Spanish company has created a high-tech mattress that can tell its owner whether his or her partner is cheating in the conjugal bed. The Smarttress contains “24 ultrasonic sensors” that detect rhythmic movements. If the $1,700 bed senses hanky-panky when its owner is away, it sends a text message stating that the mattress is in use—and how many people are on it. “You can’t imagine the tests we have done to make sure the system works correctly,” said a Smarttress engineer.