Bad week for
Jumping the gun, after U.S. Rep. John Delaney (D-Md.) became the first contender to declare his candidacy in the 2020 presidential race. No serious candidate over the past 45 years has announced a presidential bid six months into a new president’s term.
Law and order, after the entire four-person police force in Sand Point, Ala., resigned for various personal reasons. Town officials asked for calm during the “transition” and assured the roughly 1,000 residents the community “will not be in a lawless state.”
The devil’s brew, after a British man was hospitalized as a result of drinking Satan’s Shot vodka, which is infused with the world’s hottest chilies. “We don’t want to hurt anyone,” a spokesman for Satan’s Shot said, “but we produce chili sauces, that’s what we do.”