It must be true…
I read it in the tabloids
A Canadian town is being terrorized by a gang of 150 wild peacocks. The territorial birds are attacking parked cars in the Vancouver suburb of Surrey, thinking their reflections in shiny bodywork are rival fowl. The pecking and scratching can go on for hours, says resident Ryan Cragg. “They’ll get the front panel, the side panel, the rear panel, and then work around to the other side.” During mating season, the peacocks roost on rooftops and keep locals awake with their shrieks. “It’s like living with a colicky baby,” says Cragg.
An expert on the royal family with a posh English accent who provided TV analysis during the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle has been outed as an Italian-American from upstate New York. Born Tommy Muscatello, the man now known as Thomas J. Mace-Archer-Mills Esq. says he perfected his plummy accent while starring in a high school production of Oliver! A lifelong Anglophile who moved to the U.K. in 2012, the 38-year-old founder of the British Monarchist Society says he isn’t a fake but rather “identifies” as British. “I found where I’m supposed to be and who I am supposed to be,” he says.
A Dutch airliner had to make an emergency landing after a passenger’s body odor caused other flyers to vomit and faint. Shortly after takeoff from Amsterdam, passengers aboard the Transavia flight to the Spanish island of Gran Canaria began to gag at the man’s stench. “It was like he hadn’t washed himself for several weeks,” said one passenger. The plane diverted to Portugal so the man could be removed. “He smelled quite a bit,” an airline spokesman confirmed. ■