Good week/bad week
Good week for:
Consistency, when Khris Davis of the Oakland Athletics finished the baseball season with a .247 batting average…for the fourth consecutive year. Davis is the first player in major-league history to post the exact same average, to three decimal places, four years in a row.
Greek donkeys, which will no longer be forced to give rides to obese tourists visiting the mountainous island of Santorini. After a pressure campaign by animal rights activists, the Greek government passed a law banning donkey riders in excess of 220 pounds.
Creative destruction, after a painting by Banksy, the elusive British graffiti artist, spontaneously shredded itself at Sotheby’s in London when an anonymous bidder bought it for $1.4 million. The art world being what it is, experts say the tattered remains of Girl With Balloon are now worth more than $2 million.
Bad week for:
Creative destruction, after artist Said Elatab, of Paterson, N.J., set fire to 20 of his paintings in his backyard to protest poor attendance figures at his most recent gallery show. People said “they were too busy [to attend],” explained Elatab. “So I burned my paintings.”
New touchdown celebrations, after Pittsburgh Steelers receiver JuJu Smith-Schuster lay on his back in the end zone and pantomimed “giving birth” to the football. “The gift of life! The gift of a touchdown!” Smith-Schuster later exulted on Twitter.
Drunk flying, after Gilbert, Minn., police warned the public about drunken birds “flying into windows, cars and acting confused.” The birds are eating berries that have fermented due to an early frost, police said, but “should sober up within a short period of time.”