Good week/bad week
Good week for:
Amenities, with a real-estate listing for a five-bedroom Colonial in suburban Philadelphia that has its own “sex basement,” fully furnished with whips, chains, and bondage equipment.
Bipartisanship, after three Democratic Washington state senators signed on to Republican Sen. Ann Rivers’ bill that would make Sasquatch the official “cryptid or crypto-animal” of Washington state. The bill recognizes the reclusive hominid for its “immeasurable contributions to Washington state’s cultural heritage and ecosystem.”
Executive time, after The Washington Post reported that President Trump has installed a $50,000, room-size “golf simulator” in his personal quarters at the White House that lets him hit golf balls into a screen depicting courses all over the world.
Bad week for:
Dave Assman, of Saskatchewan, after officials denied his request for a vanity license plate bearing his surname. Assman says his Germanic name is pronounced “Oss-men,” but officials said “that’s not something that would be apparent to other motorists.”
Shaking his hand, with the on-air announcement by Fox News host Pete Hegseth that he hasn’t washed his hands in 10 years because “germs are not a real thing.” Hegseth helpfully explained that “I can’t see them, therefore they’re not real.”
Keepin’ it real, after Democratic presidential candidate Kamala Harris told the hosts of a hip-hop radio show that in college she would smoke marijuana and listen to the music of Tupac and Snoop Dogg. Harris graduated from college in 1986; Tupac and Snoop Dogg released their debut albums in 1991 and 1993, respectively.
