Good week/bad week
Good week for:
Stephen Hawking and Albert Einstein, after astronomers used a global network of telescopes to produce the first-ever photo of a black hole, providing visual proof that these objects exist.
Immersive experiences, after the world’s first “5D” pornographic-movie theater opened in Amsterdam. While watching 3D pornography, moviegoers experience the other two advertised dimensions through “motion chairs” and jets of air and water that the theater owners promise will leave them “feeling energized.”
Capitalism, after class warrior Sen. Bernie Sanders admitted his soon-to-be-released tax returns will show he’s a millionaire who owns three houses. “If you write a best-selling book, you can be a millionaire, too,” Sanders said.
Bad week for:
Impatient groundskeeping, after parents and players in Ridgefield, Conn., tried to dry a wet high school baseball field before a game by dousing it with gasoline and setting it on fire. A hazardous waste firm had to dig up 6 inches of gas-contaminated dirt after the stunt, which a town official said “was not a very good idea.”
Statesmanship, after Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte used a campaign rally to boast, over and over, of being “highly equipped” with a large penis and describing it in some detail.
Facebook vengeance, after a British woman was arrested in Dubai for calling her ex-husband’s new wife a “horse” on Facebook. Laleh Shahravesh, 55, faces two years in prison under the UAE’s tough “cybercrime” laws, for commenting on a photo of her ex and his new wife: “Damn you. You left me for this horse.”