Good week/bad week

Good week for:

El Chapo, whose 91-year-old mother has been granted a visa to come visit the convicted drug kingpin in a U.S. prison. Consuelo Loera says she hopes to bring her son his favorite food: her enchiladas.

Urban Millennials, and other single people with limited storage space, who can now buy the Charmin Forever Roll, a 12-inch-diameter toilet paper roll that can last up to three months so “you have one less thing to think about!”

Bar fighters, after Texas Gov. Greg Abbott signed into law a bipartisan bill repealing a ban on carrying brass knuckles. The previous ban was “antithetical to our rights to self-defense,” said Democratic State Rep. Joe Moody.

Bad week for:

Tom Brady, whose plans to trademark the nickname “Tom Terrific” have sparked outrage from fans of “Tom Terrific” Seaver, 74, the Hall of Fame pitcher for the New York Mets. Brady is “not getting his cheating, ball-deflating paws on ‘Tom Terrific,’” said Mets fan Dom D’Angelo, 55. “Get your own f---ing name.”

Voter ID, after 97-year-old former San Antonio Mayor Lila Cockrell was turned away as she attempted to vote in a mayoral runoff election because she no longer has a driver’s license or passport. Election officials said they “knew who she was, but the law is the law.”

Self-inflicted wounds, after a Trump supporter in London attempted to stab and deflate the Trump Baby blimp flown in protest of his visit to the U.K., but ended up only cutting her hand. “I’m bleeding quite badly,” attacker Amy Mura said in a cellphone video she made before being arrested.

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