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It must be true… 

I read it in the tabloids

A 5-foot-tall man had an epic meltdown at a Long Island, N.Y., bagel shop when he thought a counterwoman’s friendly smile was a mocking smirk. Chris Morgan, 45, shouted at patrons, “Why is it OK for women to say, ‘Oh, you’re 5 feet’ on dating sites—you should be dead. That’s OK?” He then hurled his newspaper to the floor and shouted, “Everywhere I go I get the same f---ing smirk with the biting lip.” The tirade continued until a much larger bystander tackled him.

(Getty)

A wooden statue of first lady Melania Trump in her Slovenian hometown has left residents there baffled and dismayed. American Brad Downey commissioned local artisan Ales Zupevc to carve the effigy out of a tree with a chainsaw. He insists the life-size monument effectively depicts Melania’s look at her husband’s inauguration. But some townspeople say the carving’s crude facial features and formless dress fall far short of Melania’s glamour and beauty. “It doesn’t look anything like Melania,” said one resident. “It’s a disgrace.”

A London sunbather was left in shock after a frozen corpse fell out of the sky and nearly killed him. John Baldock was dozing in his garden when a Kenya Airlines flight from Nairobi lowered its landing gear 3,500 feet before arriving at Heathrow, disgorging a stowaway who died at high altitude. Moments later, the rock-hard body landed like a bomb only 3 feet away from where Baldock was lying, creating a crater and shaking neighbors’ homes. “It was a narrow miss,” said a witness, adding that Baldock was “very badly shaken.” ■

July 19, 2019 THE WEEK
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