Good week/Bad week

Good week for:

Doing donuts, after a dog left unattended in an idling car somehow put the vehicle in reverse and rode for an hour as the vehicle made circles in a Florida street before crashing into a mailbox.

Revelations, after outgoing Energy Secretary Rick Perry announced on Fox News that President Trump is “the chosen one,” who has been “sent by God to do great things.” Perry, 69, called Trump “a cancer on conservatism” before joining his administration.

Whiteness, after a Utah state legislator introduced a bill that would ban teenagers from using tanning salons, even with their parents’ consent. “There is no medical need for tanning,” said Rep. Brad Daw.

Bad week for:

Defenses, after a Florida man told police that a plastic bag of crack cocaine sitting on his car’s back seat must have gotten there by “the wind” blowing in through the open window.

Deval Patrick, former Massachusetts governor and newly declared presidential candidate, who canceled a campaign rally at Georgia’s Morehouse College after only two supporters showed up. “The campaign is telling us that they had to catch a flight,” explained a rally organizer.

Demanding a recount, after Sandy Hawkins, 73, allegedly told a teller at a Boca Raton, Fla., bank he had a weapon and demanded $1,100. When the teller counted out $2,000, Hawkins—sporting a “Make America Great Again” T-shirt—said it was “too much,” made her take back $900, and left. He was later arrested.

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