Good week/bad week
Good week for:
The ultimate sacrifice, after Ivanka Trump told the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, “I gave up my life to move to Washington to try to help Americans, and I’m proud of what we’ve been able to accomplish.”
Health food, after Barbara Heller, 76, accidentally fell seven stories from the window of her New York City apartment, but survived by landing on boxes of fruit and vegetables that cushioned the impact. “It’s quite amazing,” said husband Charles.
Putting your mouth where your money is, after Mitch Felderhoff, co-owner of a Texas dog-food distributor, announced he’d eaten nothing but his own products since Jan. 1. Felderhoff—who’s lost 20 pounds—says his favorite dog food is “our ancient grains ocean fish” flavor, at least “from a kibble standpoint.”
Bad week for:
Impersonation, after police ticketed an Arizona man for driving in the HOV lane with a fake skeleton in the passenger seat. To fool the cops, the skeleton was wearing a camouflage fishing hat.
O.J. Simpson, who is suing the Cosmopolitan casino in Las Vegas for damaging his reputation by banning him for being drunk and disruptive. The casino responded that it couldn’t possibly have “tarnished” Simpson’s reputation, because, well, he’s a convicted felon widely believed to have knifed his ex-wife and her friend to death.
Ageism, after a Methodist church in Minnesota asked members over the age of 60 to worship elsewhere for 18 months while it tries to woo a younger congregation. After all, Rev. Dan Wetterstrom explained, “Jesus said we are called to reach new people.”