It must be true…
I read it in the tabloids
Meat eaters who aspire to eat less of it or become vegetarians can now buy a “meat patch” to suppress their cravings. Scientist Charles Spence of Oxford University says the patch, which is worn on the arm like a nicotine patch, can be scratched to elicit an aroma of bacon, thus satisfying the wearer’s carnivorous impulses. Spence insists that multiple scientific studies have found that “scent reduces food cravings,” although some potential users are skeptical. “Surely, the smell of bacon makes you want it more?!” one meat-eater tweeted.
A Tennessee marijuana enthusiast lit up a joint in the middle of a packed courtroom, took a deep drag, and then began pontificating about the importance of legalizing weed. Spencer Alan Boston, 20, was in Wilson County criminal court on a simple drug charge when he approached the bench and calmly lit up. A court officer handcuffed him almost immediately and led him away through what was later described as a small cloud of smoke. “We deserve better,” Boston told onlookers. “One of the craziest things I’ve seen,” said Sheriff Robert Bryan.
A British senior citizen was taken aback after discovering his own grave in a cemetery. “I’m still alive,” protested Alan Hattel as he stood beside his tombstone in Forfar, Scotland. “My phone hasn’t rung for three or four months. I’ve been confused, but now I know why nobody has been calling.” The retired welder, 75, believes his wife—from whom he has been separated for 26 years—was responsible. “I’m struggling to take it in,” Hattel said. “I don’t even want to be buried. I plan to be cremated.” ■