Don't try this at home
May 8, 2020

Queen guitarist Brian May confessed this week that he was recently hospitalized because he somehow "managed to rip my Gluteus Maximus to shreds in a moment of overenthusiastic gardening."

May didn't bother elaborating exactly how "overenthusiastic gardening" might lead to such an uncommon injury, only that he did a "thorough job" wounding himself and "I won't be able to walk for a while ... or sleep, without a lot of assistance, because the pain is relentless."

May added that he'll be taking a break from social media to recoup and "please, please don't send me sympathy." Turns out Martha Stewart was right, this is what happens when you don't quarantine with your gardener! Jeva Lange

June 5, 2017

There is a good chance you have never been as chill in your entire life as this dad was while mowing his lawn in Alberta, Canada. That tornado looming in the background? No biggie. "I was keeping an eye on it," said the world's coolest cucumber, Theunis Wessels.

Theunis' wife, Cecilia, was taking a nap when her daughter woke her up to complain that there was a tornado out back and her father refused to come inside, The Washington Post reports. Cecilia went to see what the fuss was about, and snapped the jaw-dropping pictures while she was at it.

"It looks much closer if you look in the photo, but it was really far away," Theunis told the Canadian Press. "Well, not really far, far away, but it was far away from us."

Riiiiight. Jeva Lange

April 1, 2017

A trucker drove nonstop from Seattle to the East Coast, police in Deerfield, Massachusetts, discovered while investigating an unusual situation at a gas station. The driver admitted to using crystal meth, LSD, and cocaine to stay awake on his trip, which was intended as a delivery of raspberry roots.

"It appeared the driver didn't rest, only used drugs, and he drove from Seattle, Washington, to Deerfield, with a destination on the East Coast," said a statement from law enforcement. "He was clearly a danger to himself and others."

The driver called attention to his drug-fueled ride when he accidentally locked himself out of his truck at the gas station. Reports to police said he "appeared to be despondent," threw his credit cards into the vehicle's fuel tank, and attempted to force his way into the truck via the space between the cab and the trailer. He was arrested on multiple drug and driving charges. Bonnie Kristian

March 29, 2017

In a dizzying display of athleticism, 18-year-old Andri Ragettli landed the world's first Quad Cork 1800 on Monday, soaring 38 yards while making five full rotations and four head-under-body flips.

Ragetlli made history while at the Suzuki Nine Royals 2017 competition in Italy, and said it was "crazy," adding, "I'm stoked to land it." Catherine Garcia

September 22, 2016

It is illegal to harass manatees, but that didn't stop James Roy Massengale Jr., 47, from jumping in an Islamorada, Florida, creek in an attempt to make some aquatic friends. When some passing witnesses saw the scene, they informed Massengale it is illegal to harass manatees; Massengale, The Independent reports, clarified his intentions: "I'm riding it!"

Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation officials arrived to find the man "reaching for, touching, and lying over top of manatees in the creek." Again informed that what he was doing was illegal, Massengale reportedly began chanting "take me to jail" over and over again.

Unsurprisingly, officers took him to jail.

Massengale's adventure stuck him with a $25,000 bond, mainly for being uncooperative. Jeva Lange

May 13, 2016

Serena Williams' curiosity got the better of her on Wednesday, when she decided her dog's gourmet food was too tantalizing to pass up.

Williams is competing in the Italian Open, and is staying at a hotel that offers very fancy food for dogs. As she shared on Snapchat, Williams brought along her Yorkshire terrier, Chip, and after seeing the fancy beef meal he ate one night, she decided to sample his $18 salmon and rice dish. Williams knew her followers would judge her, so she shot a close-up of the meal — which did look just like salmon and rice barely mixed together — and exclaimed: "Look at it! It looked normal." Looks were deceiving, she continued, as the dish "tasted like house cleaner," and after one spoonful, she wound up taking several trips to the bathroom and felt sick to her stomach for hours.

A little case of probable dog food poisoning didn't keep Williams down for long — in a third-round match, she defeated Christina McHale 7-6 (7-5), 6-1. In summary, Williams is so good at what she does that she was able to eat dog food, get violently ill, share this incredibly embarrassing story with the world, and still win the match. Catherine Garcia

May 10, 2016

Update May 11: ESPN writer David Payne Purdum tweeted that MGM has claimed the ticket in the photograph "has been altered and is illegitimate." Our original post appears below.

The Chicago Cubs are currently the best team in baseball by a significant margin — but not so significant that it is advisable to withdraw your entire retirement fund and bet on them winning the World Series. No one told that to Don Majewski, though.

Majewski, a Chicago resident and lifelong Cubs fan, withdrew $200,000 — or 94 percent of his retirement savings — and flew to Las Vegas to bet on a 3-1 payout. "What kills me is that I didn't do this sooner, back in April, or before the season started. I could have gotten six to one or better back then," Majewski told Net One News.

The Cubs are 24-6 and one of only 10 teams in MLB history to win 24 of their first 30 games — and as CBS points out, five of those other nine teams did go on to win it all.

"I waited overnight before buying the ticket because I promised my wife I'd sleep on it. I've been watching the Cubs my whole life, and when you've been doing that, you know that this team is truly special,” Majewski said.

The Cubs have not won a World Series in 108 years. Jeva Lange

Editor's note: A previous version of this article misstated where the bet was placed. It has since been corrected. We regret the error.

September 17, 2015

Throwing punches may not be the best way to express your opposition in parliament. That didn't stop Japanese lawmakers from trying out a few of their moves in the upper house on Thursday night, when a highly controversial bill aiming to loosen World War II-era restrictions on the military moved to the floor for a vote.

Scenes reminiscent of a rugby match played out Thursday in the committee chamber where lawmakers have been debating the bills for weeks. Opposition politicians tried to prevent voting by piling on top of the committee chairman and wrestling away his microphone. Governing party lawmakers pulled them away and formed a protective scrum around the chairman to allow him to call the vote. The scenes were broadcast live on television by the national broadcaster, NHK. [The New York Times]

The 11 bills were ultimately passed and will go to another vote by the full upper house next. If approved, they will allow for Japan to use its military in defense of allies even if there is no immediate threat to Japan. The change is opposed by the majority of the public, The New York Times reports, despite Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's strong push to make Japan more militarily independent and more involved in foreign affairs. Jeva Lange

See More Speed Reads