Late Night Tackles King Trump
September 25, 2020

"Folks, you know you're going through a bit of a dark patch in your nation's history when the president not endorsing the peaceful transition of power is the feel-good story of the day," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. The decision in Kentucky that "no officers would be charged with the killing of Breonna Taylor" once again "undermines many Americans' faith in our system of government — and clearly Trump is jealous, because that's kind of his thing."

Colbert was perplexed at why Team Trump would openly tell us how they plan to steal the election, but Joe Biden was right that Trump himself refusing to commit to leaving office isn't surprising: "I'm not putting it past Trump to barricade the White House gates and put Eric in a Baby Bjorn and use him as a human shield, but what Trump really wants to do is undermine your faith in the election, so you go, 'Eh, what's the point of voting?' The point is: You vote, he goes, regardless of what he tries. We just need to bury him under a mountain of votes."

If Trump "doesn't win, he wants to burn this country down," and "what he just said is terrifying," Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. "Rarely do you see someone be a sore loser before they even play the game." Still, "several Republican senators pushed back on the president's dangerous words," he added. "Even that old son-of-a-Mitch McConnell poked his head out of his shell to refute it."

"And if recent news has taught us anything, it's that you can always count on Mitch McConnell to keep his word," Jimmy Fallon deadpanned at The Tonight Show. "Seriously, even other Republicans were like, 'Mitch, please.'"

"When Time Life releases a box set of Trump's craziest moments, this will be on it," Fallon said. "I'm getting the feeling this is gonna end with Trump locking himself in the Oval Office while yelling into the phone, 'Space Force attack!'"

The reporter's "mistake was phrasing the question that way," Late Night's Seth Meyers said. "You should've asked: 'If Joe Biden wins, do you commit to playing even more golf?'"

What Trump said was alarming, but "this does give me an idea for a new sitcom," James Corden said at The Late Late Show: "Trump refuses to leave the White House, Biden moves in anyway — Our Two Presidents, this January on CBS." Watch below. Peter Weber

September 25, 2020

"Thanks to Donald 'Junta' Trump, we just don't have enough time to cover some of the more fun stories," like Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu lugging suitcases of dirty laundry to Washington so the White House will clean it for free, Trevor Noah said on Thursday's Daily Show. But it's hard to care too much about these smaller stories "when the world's oldest democracy is about to become the world's newest dictatorship."

"I never thought I would see the day where an American president would threaten not to accept an election defeat," Noah said. "Because let's be honest, this is something you hear about in some random country where America steps in to enforce democracy. I feel like now it's only fair that those countries should send peacekeepers to the U.S."

"By Trump saying that he refuses to leave peacefully, he's basically threatening a coup," Noah said, and "if you've paid any attention to Donald Trump over the past five years, it's no surprise that he likes the idea of being a dictator. I mean, he's written more love letters to Kim Jong Un than his own wife. The question is, will other Republicans allow him to get away with it?" Despite some reassuring tweets, "there is nothing the GOP can do put people at ease," he concluded. "They try and reassure people all the time and then what to they do? They always end up backing Trump." Noah asked Roy Wood Jr. for his thoughts, and Wood preached calm — as he packed to flee to Canada.

"I will say, man, Donald Trump has gone on quite the journey," Noah said. "The man spent his entire life as one of the world's most famous landlords, and now he's turning into the world's most famous squatter. I bet even if Joe Biden wins, they're gonna find Trump in the White House basement someday living that Parasite life."

The Late Show had its own ideas for how to get rid of a pest that won't leave the White House. Watch below. Peter Weber

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