President Trump has to take responsibility for his words, "because when he talks, people listen — for instance, Chinese people," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show, pointing to the New York Times report about Chinese spies eavesdropping on Trump's iPhone calls. "So the Chinese spies know Trump's innermost thoughts — right before he tweets them," Colbert joked. Aides warn Trump that his iPhone isn't secure, but they're also pretty sure he's not sharing secrets with the Chinese and Russians "because he doesn't read the details of the intelligence he is shown" and isn't conversant in "the operational specifics of military or covert activities," the Times reports.
"That's the most reassuring answer you could come up with, that the president isn't a danger because he's too incompetent to know anything?" Colbert asked. "Naturally, Trump is furious at the insinuation that he has not given up his iPhone," and he tweeted any angry denial — from an iPhone, he noted. "Come on! That's like handing the judge your 'not guilty' plea by writing it on the murder weapon."
"Donald Trump had unprotected sex with a porn star — you think he's worried about unsecured cellphones?" Jimmy Kimmel asked on Kimmel Live. He also noted that the "guy who won't let the fact that Hillary used a private email server go has chats with his shady business buddies on a Jitterbug phone he bought at CVS." Kimmel had an exasperated laugh over Trump's tweeted denial, too: "He tweeted about rarely using a cellphone from a cellphone! I mean, he may not be a good president, but he is the LeBron James of internet trolls."
Kimmel Live also recreated a school that actually exists for Russian internet trolls trying to divide American into chaotic doom.
And The Late Show channeled Patton to archly comment on Trump sending U.S. troops to the U.S.-Mexico border. Watch that below. Peter Weber