Joe Biden and his new running mate, Sen. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.), held their first joint appearance Wednesday at a Delaware high school, Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "It was a warm and energetic launch to their campaign, but when Biden took the stage, Joe did not pull any punches, especially when it came to Trump attacking his running mate." He found Biden's line that "whining is what Donald Trump does best" a bit unfair.
"One person who was not thrilled with Biden's choice is his opponent," and Trump's "criticism had a familiar ring to it," Colbert said. Oddly, "one person Trump thinks Harris was particularly 'nasty' to is her new running mate."
"Like, is Trump attacking or defending Joe Biden? I can't tell," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "I mean of all people, Donald Trump should totally understand how you can be with a woman who's publicly humiliated you."
"Kamala Harris on the ticket with Joe Biden is a genius move by the former VP, because not only does she tick a bunch of boxes, but clearly, conservatives are gonna struggle to put her in one," Noah said, playing a highlight reel. "Honestly, it's kind of cute watching Republicans flail around trying to figure out the right talking points." He illustrated the GOP confusion with a mock attack ad.
"As of right now, Biden and Harris are up by 10 points on Trump and Pence," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. "Just to rub it in, at the end of their event they both moonwalked down a ramp." He showed, then mimicked, Trump's attacks on Harris. "Meanwhile, in a new attack ad, the Trump campaign has already labeled them 'Slow Joe and Phony Kamala,'" Fallon said. "And if you have a 'Slow' and 'Phony' joke that doesn't end with 'Those used to be Trump's nicknames for Eric and Don Jr.,' write to us."
The Late Late Show's James Corden showed Harris slamming Trump at her joint event with Biden. "Donald Trump getting bullied in a high school gym! It's honestly the first time I've related to him." He and his crew agreed that Harris is a much better pick than Hillary Clinton's running mate, who they made a show of not remembering.
And The Late Show had some condolence cards for all the running mates who didn't make the cut. Watch below. Peter Weber
Among the heap of "troubling pandemic news," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show, "yesterday we learned that Russian hackers have launched cyberattacks on COVID-19 research centers. So the Russians are getting America's coronavirus data? Could they share it with us?" The Russian spies are actually trying to steal COVID-19 vaccine research, he explained, "but for once, Russia is the second-biggest hacking story of the day, because yesterday, major Twitter accounts were hacked in a bitcoin scam. Now, if you're not familiar, a 'bitcoin scam' is anything involving bitcoin."
President Trump is getting crushed in the polls by Joe Biden, Colbert said, but "I won't feel confident Biden has won this thing until he's giving his first State of the Union — and even then part of me will be thinking: 'Comey could still f--- this up.'"
"A new poll finds that Trump's approval rating has hit an all-time low of 36 percent," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. "I guess that explains why Trump has decided to shake things up," replacing campaign manager Brad Parscale. "Meanwhile, everyone else in the campaign is thinking, 'Yeah, he was the problem,'" he joked. The Twitter hackers targeted Biden, Barack Obama, and Jeff Bezos, among other blue checkmarks, Fallon said. "You know Trump's furious because they attacked the biggest accounts on Twitter and didn't even include him."
"Twitter released a statement saying that luckily, the president's Twitter account was not hacked — but how would they know?" Trevor Noah asked on The Daily Show. "I mean, this is the same guy who tweets about beans, Iran, and the Confederacy in the span of 10 minutes. He pre-hacks himself."
Also, "Donald Trump's campaign isn't struggling because of his campaign manager, it's struggling because Donald Trump is the candidate," Noah said. So Parscale is clearly "a scapegoat," but he should still be proud, "because at this point, getting out of the Trump campaign without getting into prison, that's an achievement."
"Trump's campaign is sputtering because the coronavirus crisis isn't a problem Trump can just BS his way out of," and governing "is just not in his skill set," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. But Trump didn't just fire Parscale, he's also "honing in on two key re-election strategies: less testing and more racism."
Trump also suggested dogs might vote illegally, and The Late Show turned that into a commercial. Watch below. Peter Weber