Stephen Colbert says Trump is now just stealing his Colbert Report shtick and 'anti-intellectual property'November 29, 2018
Trevor Noah begs news networks to treat climate science as seriously as Maury Povich does geneticsNovember 27, 2018
Trump thinks people commit voter fraud by changing hats. Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers struggle to top that.November 15, 2018
Stephen Colbert mocks Trump's self-proclaimed 'natural instinct for science'October 18, 2018
Jimmy Kimmel has his own forceful fact-check of Trump's widely panned health-care op-edOctober 11, 2018
In an interview with The Washington Post on Tuesday, President Trump said that when it comes to fiscal policy, "my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else's brain can ever tell me." When Stephen Colbert read the interview, he said on Wednesday's Late Show, "that quote about trusting your gut over the brains of experts reminded me of someone I used to know: me. Because when I played a conservative pundit on my old show, The Colbert Report, I talked about that on my very first episode." He showed the clip, and he wasn't wrong.
"Trump stole my bit!" Colbert protested. "That is clear copyright infringement. He is stealing my anti-intellectual property." He jokingly threatened to sue.
Colbert returned to the Post interview when discussing a dire new federal report. "This report is an urgent call to fight climate change, so naturally the Trump White House released it the Friday after Thanksgiving — they actually hid it in a Tupperware with the leftover green bean casserole," he deadpanned. "But some nosy-Nelly reporters out there actually got it and read it, some had questions for the president."
And Trump had some puzzling responses, like that the report is "fine." "If I had to describe this report in one word, it would not be 'fine,'" Colbert said. "It would be a different word that begins with F — as in, if you don't believe in climate change at this point, you are fined in the head." He laughed off Trump's claim to have "very high levels of intelligence" "But maybe the best part of the entire interview was his explanation of how climate works," Colbert said, reading an extended passage in Trump voice. He paused a beat. "I have heard better explanations of weather from toddlers on Benadryl."
The Late Show also had a brief response to a particular pro-Trump defense of using tear gas on migrant children. Watch below. Peter Weber
On Friday, the Trump administration tried to quietly drop a bombshell. "Thirteen agencies, all part of the Trump administration, have released an official report saying that manmade climate change is not only real, but its effects are already here," Trevor Noah said on Monday's Daily Show. "So ... surely the Trump of the administration will finally come on board?" Nope.
Noah wasn't impressed that "the president of the United States is throwing away four years of scientific work which is endorsed by his own administration," but he was confused as to why news networks keep paying "climate change buffoons" to offer their similar and openly unscientific skepticism of climate science. "Think of it this way: When Maury Povich brings someone on, if the DNA test says you are the father, then that's it, the science has spoken," Noah said. "So all I'm saying is, American news, maybe you should respect science as much as Maury Povich does."
Jimmy Fallon has a slightly different take on Monday's Tonight Show. "Leave it to America to release a report about saving the planet on 1,600 pieces of paper," he quipped, before touching briefly on the migrant caravan: "And today, Trump threatened to permanently shut down the entire U.S.-Mexico border. In response, migrants said, 'Relax, man, we're just trying to get to Canada.'"
Noah said what he found interesting about the story of U.S. Border Patrol agents using tear gas on migrants at the Mexico border "is how much it changes depending on where you get your news." He showed two examples. "This wasn't an invasion," he said. "It was frustrated asylum-seekers at the border, throwing stones — which, we can be honest, probably isn't going to help their case. ... Unless you can throw them, like, really fast, like 95 miles an hour, because then maybe the Yankees will help you get in."
Noah explained why the Central American migrants are getting desperate, and made Michael Kosta eat his words about pepper spray tasting good on nachos. Watch below. Peter Weber
In an interview with The Daily Caller on Wednesday, President Trump bizarrely claimed that you have to show some sort of voter ID to buy a box of cereal and laid out a novel conspiracy theory to explain Republican losses via voter fraud: "When people get in line that have absolutely no right to vote and they go around in circles. Sometimes they go to their car, put on a different hat, put on a different shirt, come in, and vote again. Nobody takes anything. It's really a disgrace what's going on." There's not a lot comedians can add to that, but they gave it a try on Wednesday's late-night shows.
That's "a for-real quote from the president of the United States," Jimmy Kimmel reminded viewers on Kimmel Live. "People go to their cars to put on different hats? Our polls are being infested with a team of masters of disguise!" He went on to mock Florida and also its junior senator, Marco Rubio, whose own theory of voter fraud invented some new football terminology.
"That's right, President Trump accused people of voting illegally by changing clothes in the cars and getting back in line — or in Florida's case, putting on a shirt and getting back in line," Seth Meyers joked on Late Night. "I swear our president thinks in cartoons. He probably thinks the Village People is one guy." He suggested that Trump might actually be the person in disguise in the news, and you can watch that below. Peter Weber
President Trump gave quite the interview to The Associated Press on Tuesday, and Stephen Colbert ran through some of the highlights on Wednesday's Late Show: Whether it was appropriate to call Stormy Daniels "Horseface," Don Jr.'s meeting with Russian officials in Trump Tower, and, especially, Trump's continued ambivalence over climate change. Trump said he felt comfortable disagreeing with 97 percent of the world's scientists because he has an inherent, inherited knack for science, thanks to an uncle who was a professor at MIT. Colbert had some questions.
"First of all, why did you bring up your science uncle if you never talked to him about science?" Colbert asked. "And second, you have a 'natural instinct for science'? That's not how knowledge works. You don't inherit it from your uncle! The most you ever get from your uncle is your own nose back." Of course, Trump "and his petrochemical pals would like you to ignore global warming altogether, but that may not be possible soon," he said, "because a new study says that beer prices could double because of climate change. Or as the brothers at Sigma Phi Epsilon put it, 'Climate change just got real.'" And yes, there is a shout out to Brett Kavanaugh. Watch below. Peter Weber
President Trump wrote an op-ed in Wednesday's USA Today that The Washington Post's fact-checker trashed as containing "a misleading statement or falsehood" in "almost every sentence." The Post was hardly alone in slapping down Trump's claims, and Jimmy Kimmel wasn't impressed with the op-ed either. "Are any of you staying in a Holiday Inn Express and maybe you saw it?" he joked on Wednesday's Kimmel Live, before launching into his own fact check.
"I have to say, this op-ed really makes me mad," he said, "because in it, Trump blasts what he calls the Democrats' Medicare-for-all policy while really, truly outrageously claiming that he kept a promise to protect coverage for those with pre-existing conditions." This is an issue of personal importance for Kimmel, and after reading the relevant bit of the op-ed, he corrected Trump: "No, you didn't keep that promise. That promise was forced on you because John McCain gave you the finger and so you weren't able to not keep that promise — that's not keeping a promise! ... This is like claiming you saved people from drowning after you put a hole in the side of the ship — it's just a lie."
Republicans are apparently running with it, though. "Their strategy — this is true, according to a Republican campaign operative — is to 'Trump people to death,'" Kimmel said. "That is their strategy for the midterms. It's also their health care policy. But it's amazing: In 10 years we went from 'Yes We Can' to 'Trump People to Death.'" Still, he found one thing Democrats and Republicans agree on. Watch below. Peter Weber