Late night tackles Trump and coronavirus
August 4, 2020

"With the coronavirus surging and the economy cratering, President Trump is turning his attention to what's really important," banning TikTok, Jimmy Fallon said on Monday's Tonight Show. "What is he doing? Is he the president of the United States or the preacher from Footloose? Apparently this is a very real national security threat, the Chinese government knowing which Americans can and can't dance. I'm sure it has everything to do with national security and nothing to do with the TikTok teens who sabotaged his Tulsa rally — either that or Sarah Cooper's TikToks."

"Trump is playing hardball with China," Fallon deadpanned. "If he bans TikTok, China will only be able to spy on our phones, TVs, cars and refrigerators, so that's where he draws the line." He poked fun at Microsoft's efforts to buy TikTok with a throwback to the '90s, "TikTok 95."

"Meanwhile, with the 2020 election right around the corner, people are now worried that Trump's trying to weaken the Post Office to delay mail-in voting," Fallon noted. "Trump's attacking TikTok and the Post Office. You've got to give him credit: Only he could alienate 18-year-olds and 88-year-olds in the same day. Trump has hated the Post Office ever since they made their logo look just like his hair."

On top of that, "the Trump administration scrapped a nationwide testing plan because they wanted to blame Democrats for the coronavirus, and as the crisis deepens, the president has decided to focus on TikTok," Seth Meyers said on Late Night. "That's right, instead of stopping a pandemic or helping unemployed Americans, he's pretending he has the power to unilaterally ban a social media app," he said. "I'm almost certain Trump has no idea what TikTok is."

And not only is Jared Kusher reportedly scrapping a national testing plan for poltitical gain "evil, it's stupid," Meyers said. "This is an infectious disease. This virus has traveled all over the world — did they not realize it could travel to red states, too? 'It's a perfect plan, as long as no one from New York ever goes to Florida — @#*%!'" Watch below. Peter Weber

July 28, 2020

"We're less than 100 days away from the presidential election, and more Americans now say that the country's on the wrong track than at any point in Donald Trump's presidency," Seth Meyers said on Monday's Late Night. "We've got an out-of-control pandemic, the worst unemployment in nearly a century, an epidemic of racist police brutality, and a looming eviction crisis. But don't worry, the Trump administration will protect your cartoons and your toys."

"This is where the Trump administration and the Republican Party are at: Whining about cartoons and Legos while sending secret police to gas moms and vets and arguing that slavery was a 'necessary evil' — a sitting United States senator said that," Meyers marveled. "Seriously, these guys just keep coming up with winners. I mean, what's next? Is Trump going to say something nice about an alleged sex trafficker and predator who was arrested by the FBI at a remote... oh, right. They really think Americans care about Paw Patrol and Legos," he said, and "the craziest part" is that neither Lego's police sets nor Paw Patrol were canceled at all — a point Paw Patrol had to clarify in a tweet.

"That's right, we are just 99 days away from election, and just 100 days away from President Trump declaring the results invalid," Jimmy Fallon joked at The Tonight Show. "Trump thinks 99 days is plenty of time to get his campaign in shape. He's like someone looking in the mirror in June, going, 'I've still got time for swimsuit season.' Ninety-nine days, that's like an entire baseball season, plus 96 days."

Despite an invitation from the Yankees, "Trump won't be throwing out the first pitch, although thanks to his handling of the pandemic, he might be able to throw out the last pitch of the season — tomorrow," Fallon joked. "I wish Trump didn't cancel, mostly because I wanted to see him slowly walk down the pitchers mound." Watch below. Peter Weber

July 16, 2020

The COVID-19 pandemic continues to ravage the U.S., Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "Now, the CDC reporting all this coronavirus hospital data is making the Trump administration look terrible, but the Trump administration has finally come up with a solution to the crisis," he said: Sending the data to the Trump administration, not the CDC. President Trump "knows he's failed," Colbert said. "He's just like a kid grabbing his report card out of the mailbox before anyone can see it."

Colbert cringed at Trump's bizarre Rose Garden campaign rally and compounded Tuesday's "stunning" and "truly pathetic" political fall of Jeff Sessions by dunking him in a glass of milk and eating him.

Trump's press conference "went pretty off-the-rails," Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show, showing some highlights. "Instead of a press conference, people said it was more like a campaign rally in front of 20 people — in other words, it was just like Tulsa." Meanwhile, "Ivanka Trump decided to show her support" for boycott-threatened Goya with a photo of her and canned beans, Fallon said. "Sadly, after Ivanka tweeted in Spanish, Trump immediately had her deported."

The Late Show went with Ivanka Trump-Goya fart gags.

Ivanka's bean tweet violated ethics laws, so "Donald Trump responded by doing an even more elaborate Goya ad of his own," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. "The dude doesn't look like a president, he looks like a local athlete who retired 15 years ago and is desperate for money," or "the end of The Shining if the movie was sponsored by bodegas."

"Speaking of going insane, the president and his political allies are telling you to suck it up and deal with the out-of-control coronavirus outbreak," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. "Scared of getting sick? The White House says too bad, 'We need to live with it.' Lost your job amid the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression? The only advice they have is 'find something new,' courtesy of the new ad campaign rolled out by Ivanka Trump, who famously has found many jobs on her own with no help from her father!" And Rush Limbaugh seriously "cited the Donner Party — you know, the cannibals — as an example of how we should adapt to the pandemic," Meyers said. "Finally, the Republicans have found a message to run on — 'Trump 2020: Your Neighbors Are Delicious.'" Watch below. Peter Weber

July 14, 2020

Coronavirus cases are skyrocketing across the U.S., "but don't worry, because the White House is working hard on an aggressive new plan — to discredit Dr. Anthony Fauci," Stephen Colbert said on Monday's Late Show. White House officials said they're "concerned" at how often the nation's top infectious disease expert had been wrong about the new coronavirus, and Colbert had some bad news for them about President Trump's record.

"With coronavirus surging across the nation, parents are wondering how — and if — schools will be able to reopen in the fall," Colbert said. "Trump's behind in every national poll, so he is desperate for the schools to reopen," going so far as threatening to withhold federal funding from schools that don't completely reopen. "Understandably, there are some concerns about returning to school, such as, you know, the dying stuff," he said, and Education Secretary Betsy DeVos' answers on Sunday's talk shows were not reassuring.

The Late Show illustrated the DeVos school fight with a "Tragic School Bus" cartoon.

At least "Trump finally put a mask on," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show, though for the Trump fans "who have been mocking face masks this whole time," this "must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter march with AOC." For everyone else, it's "positively insane" that "Donald Trump is spending more time trying to defeat Dr. Fauci than defeating the coronavirus," he said. "This is the same person who was thinking about bleaching his lungs, and now he's trying to point his tiny fingers at Dr. Fauci?"

"Well, if Trump is looking to discredit one of his top medical experts, he must be getting his coronavirus information from a source that's even more esteemed," Jimmy Fallon deadpanned on The Tonight Show, sighing the name "Chuck Woolery. For those of you who don't know him, he's a crazy ex-TV host with a bunch of ex-wives who loves conspiracy theories — and now he's retweeting Chuck Woolery. It's not good we're getting medical advice from the former host of The Apprentice, who's getting it from the former host of Love Connection."

Let's face it, "the U.S. is an object of horror and humiliation across the world as our coronavirus pandemic spins further out of control and a desperate president tries to force students and teachers back to school without a plan to keep them safe," Seth Meyers said at Late Night. He took a closer look at Trump's cognitive test, Mary Trump's tell-all, and much more. Watch below. Peter Weber

May 27, 2020

"This was a weird Memorial Day," Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday's Kimmel Live. "I think we can all agree: Zoom barbecues suck. This weekend Donald Trump, by unauthorized presidential order, made a sweeping declaration to open all churches, temples, and places of worship, in an effort to make sure that the most devout Americans can get a chance to contract the coronavirus, too." And Trump, "a man of great faith," he deadpanned, spent Sunday morning golfing.

"You know, people say he's unfit to be president — they forget, he's barely even fit to play golf," Kimmel said. "It looks bad for the president to be golfing with 100,000 Americans dead and a stay-at-home order in place, but try explaining optics to a guy who stared directly into an eclipse," he added, showing the "the brazen hypocrisy" of both Trump and Fox & Friends when it comes to presidential golfing.

Along with his golfing, Trump spent Memorial Day weekend "tweeting nut-job conspiracy theories and mocking Joe Biden for wearing a mask to a Memorial Day event," Kimmel said. He showed some scenes of mask-less crowds on beaches, more beaches, and at a "Zero Ducks Given" pool party at Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri, plus one Staten Island standoff where grocery shoppers yelled a mask-less woman out of the store.

"I have to say, of all the fights we've had over the last few years, this one makes the least sense," Kimmel said. "This is the dumbest standoff ever. We all want to go back to work, we all want to go out to eat, we all want to hang out, none of us want to see people die. So if wearing a mask can help slow the virus and get us back to normal sooner, why not wear a mask? It's so selfish. Are these people also refusing to wash their hands? Or is that for wussies, too?"

The Daily Show's Michael Kosta spoke last week with Florida beach "grim reaper" Daniel Uhlfelder, whose macabre protests in favor of social distancing are, he hopes, giving succor to the mask-wearing majority disheartened by the anti-mitigation protesters. Watch below. Peter Weber

May 22, 2020

"The great state of Michigan is grappling with a series of disasters right now: record unemployment, coronavirus, flooding, and today, a visit from Donald Trump," Stephen Colbert said on Thursday's Late Show. Trump was visiting a Ford plant, and despite the company and Michigan's attorney general asking him to wear a mask, he did not — at least not in front of the media.

"Now, any president can be an idiot, but here's where Donald Trump just takes it to the next level: He was answering questions about not wearing masks in front of a sign about how that factory was making masks," Colbert said. Trump went on to shrug off a second wave of COVID-19 and recount, yet again, the fable of his "Michigan Man of the Year" award. And earlier in the day, he added, "Trump talked about his COVID test results in the most confusing way possible."

Comedian Sarah Cooper pantomimed Trump's positively negative word salad.

"Even his negatives are positive — isn't that something?" Jimmy Kimmel marveled. Trump's muddled answer followed his update on hydroxycholroquine, and "it's pretty clear what's going on here, right? He blurted out that he was taking it just to trigger the news media — successfully, by the way — even though there's no way in hell he's taking this stuff. You think any White House doctor, even a Trump doctor, is gonna give the president a pill that could stop his heart, just because he asked for it?"

Trump was truthful that he wore a mask at the Ford plant, "for a minute — TMZ got a rare shot of Donald Trump in a mask," Kimmel said. "But what is the point of this? Either you wear a mask or you don't wear a mask."

Of course Trump didn't wear a mask in front of the cameras, Late Night's Seth Meyers said. "Widespread mask-wearing — along with testing, contract tracing, and isolation — is one of the few simple measures that could very possibly help us get back to some semblance of normalcy, and yet conservatives have decided to turn it into yet another dumb culture war issue. Some have even theorized that it's a media conspiracy to keep people permanently afraid." Watch his anagram-filled closer look at coronavirus studies, Trump's war on mail-in voting, and the GOP's "insane conspiracy theories" below. Peter Weber

May 21, 2020

"The big story all week has of course been Donald Trump booting hydroxychloroquine," Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday's Late Show. "He's unwilling to wear a mask, but he will take a drug whose side effects include serious heart conditions, including death," plus "blistering, peeling, loosening of the skin; feeling that others can hear your thoughts; feeling, seeing, or hearing things that are not there; unusual behavior; and unusual facial expressions. Oh no! We're too late!"

The U.S. has the highest number of COVID-19 cases and fatalities, "but Donald Trump sees the sunny side of his abject failure," calling it "a badge of honor," Colbert said. Trump has been feuding with the CDC over how fast to lift coronavirus restrictions, "but it's not just the CDC — it's hard to find a medical expert anywhere who agrees with Trump's plan to open the economy without meeting the CDC criteria. Which is why GOP operatives are recruiting 'extremely pro-Trump' doctors to go on television to prescribe reviving the U.S. economy as quickly as possible, without waiting to meet safety benchmarks."

The Late Show invented one of those "pro-Trump" doctors.

"Have you been watching the hydroxy-horror picture show?" Jimmy Kimmel asked. "Our president this week claimed he's been taking hydroxychloroquine," and "the Trumpers who are wary of Big Pharma have started making their own hydroxy at home." He explained why that's "dumb," then showed White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany scolding him for joking Tuesday that Trump "might be trying to kill himself with this drug and we should keep an eye on him."

"All 50 states at least partially reopened for business," even though "17 states are still showing a steady increase in new coronavirus cases," Trevor Noah said at The Daily Show. And Georgia "may actually have been fudging their numbers."

Noah also examined embattled Secretary of State Mike Pompeo's latest scandal, involving "lavish dinners" for hundreds he's been "throwing on the taxpayer dime." Pompeo claims the dinners were for legitimate business, "but how is the CEO of Chick-fil-A gonna help America's foreign policy?" he asked. "It sounds more like Pompeo was using the State Department like his own personal Make-a-Wish Foundation."

Also, Trump is threatening certain states seeking to expand absentee ballots, Noah recounted. "I guess in Trump's mind, voting should be like your wife smiling at you — once a year, in public, and never at home." Watch below. Peter Weber

May 20, 2020

"It wasn't just doctors who were shocked at Trump's self-medicating" with hydroxychloroquine, Stephen Colbert said on Tuesday's Late Show. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi "had some choice words to express her concern for the president," including "a very polite way" of calling Trump morbidly obese. "It's important to point out that fat-shaming is wrong," he said. "Plenty of wonderful people are old and fat and beloved, like Santa. But guess what? Santa shouldn't take hydroxychloroquine, either!"

Trump dismissed Pelosi as "a waste of time," but he lashed out proper at Fox News host Neil Cavuto for warning viewers not to follow Trump's lead.

The Daily Show's Trevor Noah agreed that Pelosi should not have "weight-shamed" Trump, because that hurts everyone overweight, but "as a Democrat, trolling Donald Trump is her constitutional duty." The criticism from Fox News was "more surprising," he said, but mostly "I feel so bad for this guy's secret service."

Trump could also just be skillfully distracting everyone from a story that would ordinarily "blow up into a major scandal," Noah noted. Instead of talking about Trump's firing of the State Department inspector general, at the request of Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, we're talking about Trump's drug use.

"You have to hand it to Trump: Just when you think it can't get any crazier, he starts popping FDA-disapproved drugs and telling everyone else to try it, too," Jimmy Kimmel said. "Our president is a hydroxy-moron" who "thinks a lupus drug kills coronavirus." He read some of the side effects. "Why would he do this to prevent coronavirus and not wear a mask to prevent the virus?" Kimmel asked. "I have come to what I think is the only reasonable conclusion: He's trying to kill himself."

Tooning Out the News had its own way of expressing concern for Trump's health.

Hydroxychloroquine's "side effects can potentially include agitation, insomnia, confusion, mania, hallucinations, paranoia, as well as lasting psychiatric and neurological symptoms," Late Night's Seth Meyer noted. "So either Trump's lying about taking it ... or he's been taking it for 73 years?" It's shocking but not surprising, he said, that "a huckster who spent his career pushing scam products and miracle cures" is "doing the same thing with a pandemic" now he's president. Watch below. Peter Weber

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