Halloween is past, said Stephen Colbert on Wednesday's Late Show, "which means we're about to enter the magical season of getting angry that there's not enough talk about Christmas." The early target, of course, is Starbucks, which had the audacity to roll out a plain red cup for this holiday season. "Yes, they got rid of the Christian religious symbols like snowflakes and snowmen," Colbert said. "I mean, I think we all remember the story of when Baby Jesus was visited by the Three Wise Frosties." (It didn't end well.)
Colbert pointed out that Starbucks still sells lots of Christmas items in its stores, including its annual Christmas Blend coffee, and that the red and green cup is pretty Christmas-y. He wasn't super impressed with Starbucks' corporate-speak response to the uproar, or the plan to hurt Starbucks by flooding their stores and buying their coffee so protesters can "trick" Starbucks into writing "Merry Christmas" on their cups. Still, Colbert advised Starbucks not to fight this, but rather to "give customers a cup so full of Christmas, they'll be picking tinsel out of their yule log for months." If you're wondering what that might look like, Colbert has you covered, singing dogs and all. Watch below. Peter Weber
FXX is finally making use of its $750 million deal to rebroadcast The Simpsons on cable and online. On Monday, the network announced the dates for its ludicrous back-to-back marathon of all 522 episodes of the cartoon — maybe plan to call in sick Aug. 21 to Sept. 1? — and disclosed the details of a nefarious, time-sucking plot to post all 207 hours of Simpsons glory online, in a searchable, on-demand streamable new website called Simpsons World.
The full library of Simpsons episodes, online and on a new mobile app, will be available to "authenticated" (read: paying) FXX subscribers, but everybody with an internet connection will be able to watch some clips. Simpsons World is scheduled to go live in October.
FXX executive producer Al Jean marked the promised birth of the Simpsons binge-watching phenomenon with an ObamaCare joke: "I don’t want to over-promise, but I think this website will provide you with affordable health care." Most Simpsons fans are more likely to celebrate like "Comic Book Guy" Jeff Albertson. --Peter Weber