how much car could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck car
July 12, 2018

House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) will be retiring at the end of the year, meaning he will lose his security detail — and driver — and be forced to cruise around town in his Chevrolet Suburban like the rest of us schmucks. Only it sounds like Ryan won't be going anywhere fast: "My car was eaten by animals," he regretfully informed the Economic Club of Washington on Thursday.

It really was: The Washington Times reports that Ryan left his car at his mother's house in Wisconsin when he went to Washington, and that she would start it every month to make sure it was running. Then she went to Florida for the winter and while the car sat unsupervised, a family of woodchucks decided to take up residence — as well as take advantage of the free continental breakfast of wires and gears.

Woodchucks certainly might not be the #Resistance anyone expected, but it's definitely the #Resistance everyone deserves. Jeva Lange

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