it smells like chamomile
June 7, 2018

Scott Pruitt's round-the-clock security detail hasn't deflected any death threats, but it may have saved him from the horror of dry skin.

Sources tell The Washington Post the EPA chief asked security agents to drive him around in search of lotion from Ritz-Carlton hotels, adding to Pruitt's luxury wishlist of a Trump Hotel mattress and private jet rides. Pruitt's unprecedented 24/7 detail has even been sent to pick up dry cleaning without him.

Agents should've noted that The Ritz-Carlton's Spa Fresh replenishing moisturizer, guaranteed to provide supple, dewy skin, is available online. An annual subscription sends you one $54 bottle per month — probably a better deal than the millions already spent on Pruitt's security. Kathryn Krawczyk

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