Welcome to "What Next?", The Week's contest about current events.

Click here for the results of the previous contest: Spitzer's comeback

Last week’s question: An economist who claimed a "religious objection" to paying taxes was recently sentenced to four years in prison for cheating the IRS out of $1.67 million over 20 years. Now that you know you can’t play the religion card, please invent a more convincing rationale for not paying your taxes.


THE WINNER: I already rendered unto Caesar—at his Palace in Vegas
Brian Peppard, Oak Park, IL

SECOND PLACE: Goods & services not as advertised
Steve McConnell, Walpole, MA

THIRD PLACE: My 9-year-old grandson would spend it more wisely
Bill O’Meara, Bedford, NH

Filling out a 1040 violates our Fifth Amendment rights
Charles & Mary Parry, Catonsville, MD

My Swiss bank account has an early withdrawal penalty
Nick Vaci, Columbus, OH

I live in the Moscow airport international terminal
Paul Johnsen, Hartford, WI

Money may talk, but I have a constitutional right to remain silent
Frank Letchworth, Knoxville, TN

Ain’t got no money
William Dean, Oakland, CA

I’m planning to donate it to the IRS legal defense fund, given the recent scandal
Ken Kellam III, Dallas, TX

My dog ate my 1040
John Whitehead, Kirkland, AZ

My dog ate my money
Wes Conary, Uncasville, CT

It’s a free country
Raven Deerwater, Mendocino, CA

Why pay taxes when the government keeps printing all the money it needs anyway?
Sue Zajac, Eagle River, AL

I gave at the office
Harvey Randall, Niskayuna, NY

I am a nonprofit organization
Angela James, Westminster, MD

I’ve already been robbed once this year
Kenneth R. Updegrove, Cedaredge, CO

I’m Timothy Geithner
Angela Fiedler, Milwaukee, WI

Money talks, so paying taxes is an unconstitutional infringement on free speech
Lawrence Stone, San Diego, CA

I thought the Republicans reduced my taxes to zero
Darrell Chalstrom, South Bend, IN

My family voted to sequester the funds
Eric A. McVadon, Great Falls, VA

Confirmed vegetarian refuses to support the government’s pork barrel projects
Eve Bauschek, Appleton, WI

The 1 percent hardly pays taxes, so why should I?
Nancy Alpern, Neptune, NJ

Living with the current Congress is taxing enough
John M. Carney, Bend, OR

My iPhone doesn’t have an app for taxes
Lisa de Groot, Richmond, VA

I don’t like my job
Chris Wilhelmi, Chicago, IL

Peanut allergy: Paying taxes would leave me with nothing but peanuts, which would be harmful to my health
Audrey Nagel, Burlington, NJ

Just discovered the IRS won’t accept Bitcoins
Barry D. Friedman, Dahlonega, GA

I’m a bank CEO—that tax money was just coming back to me anyway
Ryan Artola, Sunnyvale, CA

All my money is tied up in the Cayman Islands Children’s Hospital
Paul Buchheit, Chicago, IL