1. Kim Kardashian undergoes something called a "blood facial"
Those who tuned in to Sunday's episode of Kardashian reality series Kourtney and Kim Take Miami expecting to see the show's usual horrors — irritating people, vapid conversations — were probably surprised to be greeted by a different kind of horror: The screeching, blood-soaked face of Kim Kardashian as she underwent a beauty procedure called a "blood facial." "I love trying anything that makes you look and feel youthful," said Kardashian, according to Radar Online, before proving it by having her own blood painfully injected into her face. Fans who can't wait to see Kardashian's next gory beauty treatment are advised to rent one of the Saw movies instead.

2. Adele and Beyonce will reportedly sing at Michelle Obama's 50th birthday bash
There are plenty of perks that come with being first lady, but it's tough to top a free, private concert featuring two of the most popular singers in the world. And if rumors that swirled on Monday are true, Michelle Obama is about to get just that. The Daily Mail reports that both Adele and Beyonce have accepted invitations to perform at the first lady's 50th birthday bash in January 2014. Adele has yet to confirm that she has accepted the high-profile gig, but if turns out that she can't make it, never mind — they'll find someone like her.

3. Don't worry, United Kingdom — Justin Bieber will be back someday
After a week in England that included his worst birthday ever, a concert that began more than two hours late, and an on-stage collapse that required hospitalization, one could hardly blame Justin Bieber for wanting to put the United Kingdom behind him. But never fear, British Beliebers: The Sun reports that the singer has taken to Twitter to clarify that he plans to return someday. "I will be back. and i will see u again. and I am grateful for all of u," — "all of u," we presume, excluding the paparazzo that he threatened to beat up less than a week ago.

4. Jennifer Love Hewitt says her breasts are worth $5 million
If you want to talk to Jennifer Love Hewitt about her breasts without getting slapped, the actress has a solution for you: Just offer to insure them for millions of dollars. "If somebody was like, 'Hey, you know what? We would like to insure your boobs for $2.5 million dollars,' I'd be like, 'Do it.' Love it! Why not?" said Love Hewitt at Access Hollywood. "These things right here are worth $5 million!" Love Hewitt did not mention if she would entertain any similar offers to insure her acting talent. 

5. Holly Madison named her baby "Rainbow Aurora Rotella"
You'd think we'd all be used to ridiculous celebrity baby names by now, but every once in awhile, a new one comes along to remind us just how insane they can be. Today's winner belongs to former Girls Next Door star Holly Madison, who named her newborn daughter "Rainbow Aurora Rotella." "I wanted to give my daughter a unique name," said Madison at E! Online. Though the unusual moniker has been roundly mocked, Madison may have the last laugh if her daughter grows up to be a superhero or a My Little Pony character.