1. Why we talk like thiiiisss
Jen Doll at The Atlantic investigates why otherwise-intelligent adults inject extra letters and exclamation points into their everyday language. ("Hiiiiiiii," for example.) The short answer? Word-lengthening help us express emotion; it's why elongations "tend to flourish in those venues most starved for nuance," says Doll. We're looking at you, text messages, IM boxes, and Twitter. (Via The Atlaaaantic)
2. "I Knew You Were A Goat When You Walked In"
Meet Taylor Swift's new boyfriend. (Via The Huffington Post)
3. Monster goldfish invade Lake Tahoe
Giant versions of the household pets are slowly proliferating in the waters of Lake Tahoe. Scientists think they may have been released by well-meaning pet owners, while others think they were being used as bait by fishermen. Sooomething's fiiiishy, in any case. (Via National Geographic)
4. The Guy Fieri parody menu
The three-dimensional Ed Hardy tattoo otherwise known as Guy Fieri apparently forgot to register the domain name for his new Manhattan restaurant, "Guy's American Kitchen and Bar." So Brooklyn programmer Bryant Mytko snatched it up and posted a fake menu for the world to giggle at. He soon found himself in hot water, however, when other Twitter users emerged to call him out for allegedly plagiarizing their tweets.
5. Adorable baby sloth gives human a single flower petal (Via Gawker)
6. The world's ugliest tattoo: Fixed!
A tattoo artist from Empire Ink in Akron, Ohio, offered to help a man pay tribute to his deceased wife by fixing his sad tattoo, which has been ridiculed across the internet for the better part of a decade now. Total price: Free of charge. Here's the finished result:
7. Cat of the Week
Today's recipient of our coveted "Cat of the Week" award is Chairman Meow, who, according to his Facebook page, resides in San Francisco and is a still-recovering 49ers fan.
Remember to send your "Cat of the Week" submissions to: Gayomali@TheWeek.com. The weirder, the better!