1. Britney Spears and Jason Trawick call off engagement
In news that has already spawned a thousand "Oops… She Did It Again" headlines, Britney Spears and former fiancé Jason Trawick have reportedly called off their engagement — which would have been Spears' third marriage — and ended their relationship. Though the couple has not publicly explained the reasons behind their breakup, The Huffington Post reports that sources say Trawick felt the relationship "took away his individuality," which is something he probably should have seen coming when he started dating one of the biggest pop stars in the world.
2. Ann Romney turns down Dancing with the Stars
When F. Scott Fitzgerald said there were no second acts in American lives, he clearly hadn't anticipated the rise of reality television. TMZ reports that Ann Romney, the wife of failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney, seriously considered an invitation to appear as a contestant on ABC's Dancing with the Stars. Romney reportedly had several meetings with the show's producers, but ultimately decided to decline the offer — holding out, perhaps, for Britney Spears' newly vacated judging spot on The X Factor.
3. Attention, Jennifer Lawrence: No one remembers The First Wives Club
In a three-hour ceremony packed with delightfully awkward moments, the beginning of Jennifer Lawrence's Golden Globes' victory speech has been dubbed by many as the most awkward. When she went onstage to accept her award for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy (Silver Linings Playbook) she said, "I beat Meryl! That's what it says!" "Not very classy, Jen," says Fox News, failing, like pretty much everyone else, to realize that Lawrence was quoting Bette Midler's character in 1996's The First Wives Club verbatim. Try Adam Sandler next time, Jen.
4. Lindsay Lohan live-tweets the Golden Globes
On Sunday night, noted celebrity tweeter Lindsay Lohan offered her deeply insightful thoughts on the Golden Globes, with tweets that ranged from "Paul Rudd is the best. Ever," to "JESSICA LANGE IS MY FAVOURITE!!!!!!!!!" Buzzfeed offers a full roster of Lohan's Twitter volley, which began as she plaintively tweeted, "i really want to get more followers but i feel as if i don't tweet enough and I feel bad!" Take it from us, Lindsay; you're tweeting plenty.
5. Everyone pretends to care that Lady Gaga and Kelly Osbourne are feuding
People reports that over the weekend, Lady Gaga and Kelly Osbourne made an early case for "least interesting celebrity feud of 2013" as they traded shots at each other's lives and work. "Your show breeds negavity," complained Gaga about the Osbourne-hosted series E! Fashion Police, prompting Osbourne to reply, "I hope you guys realize that I don't care about any of this bullshit!" Neither do we, Kelly. Neither do we.