Health & Science

What couples are really arguing about; Upstanding hominids; How to build a lung; A penalty kicker’s cues; A touching response

What couples are really arguing about

Married couples argue about all kinds of things, from money to whose turn it is to take out the garbage. But in reality, says Scientific American, all fights come down to two basic issues that have little to do with the content of the arguments: One person feels that he or she is being unfairly controlled or feels neglected. Baylor University psychologists gave a questionnaire to 3,539 married couples and analyzed such variables as the words couples used to describe a fight and the feelings they experienced. Researchers concluded that the tension that sparked the arguments almost always involved deeper issues relating to whether the partners felt understood or valued. Appreciating this dynamic might help couples figure out how to improve communication. For example, says study author Keith Sanford, if a husband realizes that his wife’s anger over his coming home late is really about her feeling disregarded, he could fashion an apology that includes “demonstrations of deference and expressions of appreciation.”

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