They've developed creative ways to get dirty right after a bath. They've configured new and efficient methods for destroying couches. Some have even figured out how to take up the entire bed despite weighing just under 10 pounds.
The results are in: Meet the 30 (dogs) under 30 (in dog years), class of 2019, inspired by Forbes' clearly inferior list of humans.
From chewing on their own butts to literally being afraid of their own farts, these canine movers and shakers are truly the best of the best — and (we're pretty sure) they're all under 4.28 years old.
Influencers and disruptors
1. Molly "The Thing Of Evil" King. A true disruptor, this feisty little corgi who's shaking things up has been banned from not one but two Petcos. She even has her own bus bench. The fact that her dad is one of the most rich and famous authors in human history only slightly helped her secure a spot on this list.
2. The King Charles Cavalier who barked ferociously at me from a sixth-floor window one time. I think about him often, so he definitely influenced me.
3. Hammy and Panda the twin corgis. These twin corgi pups — who, when lying side by side, look like a yin and yang — are growing up together and allowing their 24,000 followers to see the world through their eyes. Sometimes they fight, sure, but theirs is a partnership worth celebrating.
4. Bradley Cooper's dog Charlie. The cute, adult version of the dog in A Star Is Born is played by Bradley Cooper's real-life Labradoodle, Charlie. Let's be honest: He was the real star born from this film.
5. Dean the Basset. This 4-year-old entrepreneur is a blossoming Instagram celeb, with 241,000 followers and counting. A philanthropist, he uses his fame for good by supporting charities like the Humane Society and and the Basset Hound Rescue of Ontario. Plus, his face flaps are the best face flaps of the all the face flaps.
6. Izzy Greidinger-Newman. This recently rescued hound mix consistently turns heads in her signature yellow raincoat, and she's also been known to rock an Eagles jersey. Her fans eagerly await her next bold fashion choice.
8. The terrier I saw in the park the other day wearing a little tracksuit. It said "Adidog" on it and he looked so good in it I almost cried. Iconic.
9. Reggie the Black Lab. As a tiny pup, Reggie once rocked a bold red necktie and became an instant fashion icon at a very young age. He continues to impress his Instagram followers with his bold fashion choices, from seasonal bandanas to lamb costumes to hooded sweaters with little ears. He can pull off just about anything.
10. The pit bull named Tuna who my friend dog sits. Though plenty of dogs wear sweaters, nobody can pull one off quite like Tuna, who also has one of the cutest little faces I've ever seen.
11. Huey the Frenchie. This little bulldog frequently wears novelty T-shirts with slogans like "Don't scare me, I fart easily" and "Let me stop you right there before you assume I give a heck." He's building a personal brand through his T-shirts, which is what makes him a fashion icon of the highest order.
12. This pit bull named Blue in a ‘90s track jacket. Obviously.
13. This pit bull named Storm in little pajamas. Obviously.
14. This pit bull named Frida in a patterned bandana. Obviously.
15. Romy Michele Ricciardi. Leading up to the recent midterm elections, Romy, a native New Yorker currently living in Indiana, could frequently be found canvassing for Democratic candidates. She also volunteered with Paws to the Polls, which basically meant sitting in the car being cute while her dad drove people to their polling places.
16. Shadow Higgins. The daughter of an immigrant (Irish writer and comedian Maeve Higgins), Shadow has been outspoken about her political beliefs since she was a wee pup with cartoonishly large paws.
18. This shiba who voted. She has a sticker, so that's proof she did her civic duty.
19. This golden retriever who voted.
20. This bulldog who voted.
21. This Pekingese who voted.
22. This little fluff who voted.
23. This terrier mix who voted.
24. This St. Bernard mix who voted. This is what democracy looks like.
25. This shih tzu who voted. He also let a bird inside the house and chased a neighbor that same day. Community engagement!
All-around good boys and girls
27. Reese Bader Ginsdog. Named for media mogul Reese Witherspoon and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, this pup is part influencer, part fashion icon, part political activist, and 100 percent good girl.
28. Carl the Samoyed puppy. This pup subverts gender roles and looks like a baby polar bear. Good boy.
29. My neighbor's pug puppy, Bean. Incredibly patient with his much slower elderly pug brother, Bean is a solid, all-around good boy for the ages.
30. Simon Grossman-Marotta. The cutest corgi and best boy in the entire world, he's the king of snuggling and then randomly deciding he doesn't want to snuggle anymore and getting mad at you about it. The fact that his mother created this list only slightly helped him secure a spot on it.