Speed Reads

The truth is out there

Hillary Clinton will declassify information on UFOs, campaign chair promises

Hillary Clinton has promised that, as president, she will address serious and pressing issues like campus sexual assault, immigration reform, and gun violence prevention. However, if she really wants to win the election she might want to start reminding voters that she has also promised to investigate UFOs.

Longtime UFO truther and Clinton campaign chair John Podesta told CNN's Jake Tapper Thursday that, "What I've talked to the secretary about, and what she said now in public is that if she's elected president, when she gets into office she'll ask for as many records as the U.S. government has to be declassified. And I think that's a commitment she intends to keep and that I hold her to."

Could it be? May we finally learn the truth about Area 51? And the Phoenix Lights? And what about those never-identified objects over Mount Rainier?!

Podesta is entirely serious, too: While serving in the Obama administration, he once said that his biggest failure of 2014 was "once again not securing the disclosure of the UFO files," which, to be fair, is a totally acceptable thing to regret.

"The U.S. government could do a much better job in answering the quite legitimate questions that people have about what's going on with unidentified aerial phenomena," Podesta continued, adding that "the American people can handle the truth."

The American people can handle the truth, and we demand it. If Bernie Sanders wants to stay competitive, it's his turn to make a move. Might we suggest he promise to declassify the government records on Bigfoot?