Welcome to "What Next?", The Week's contest about current events.

Click here for the results of the previous contest: Shorts story

Last week's question: Chef and gourmet Anthony Bourdain recently advised: "Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride." What would be a good name for a theme park ride based on the typical American's body?


THE WINNER: The Fat ’n’ Lazy River
Sam Esposito, Huntington Station, NY

SECOND PLACE: Spanx Mountain
Bill Hartman, Berwyn, PA

THIRD PLACE: SORRY—ride closed due to poor maintenance.
David Fisichella, Falmouth, MA

The Fat and the Furious
Erica Lopez, Beaumont, TX

The Gravy-tron
Michael Kaplan, Brooklyn, NY

Porky’s Revenge
France Kassing, Davis, CA

The Incredible Bulk
Lennie Burke, Winter Springs, FL

The Blob
Drew Filus, Studio City, CA

The Tragic Kingdom
Peter Simon, Toronto, CN

The Obeast
Joanne Sullivan, Maspeth, NY

Wide Wide West
Janine Witte, New Hope, PA

It’s a Large World
Jeffrey Contompasis, Ashburn, VA

Plumper Cars
Roman G. Jarosh, Queensbury, NY

Tunnel of Love Handles
Paul Binder, Bellevue, WA

June Lacke, Rutland, MA

Six Flabs Great America
Ginny Lord, Oconomowoc, WI

Jan Penske, Sellersburg, IN

Stu McFarland, Parker, CO

Dangerous Curves
Mark R. Wolfe, Erie, PA

The Flabbergaster
Gayle French, Newark, DE

Pudgy Jumping
David Lunde, Paradise, CA

The Sofa
Jim Hatfield, Berwyn, PA

Sky-High TriglyceRide
Brent Ottaway, Hollidaysburg, PA

The Jelly Roll
Gordon Crain, Seneca, SC

Lard of the Rings
R. Towne, Chandler, AZ

The Expanding Universe
Richard A. Pichler, Seattle, WA

The Downward Spiral
Jennifer Sherry, New York City, NY

The Zipper Ripper
Carol O’Brien, Chadds Ford, PA

Sedentary Mountain
Aaron Malver, Seattle, WA