1. Justin Bieber is growing a mustache
With his relationship with Selena Gomez officially behind him, pop star Justin Bieber is indulging in a a strategy employed by dumped teenage boys the world over: The breakup mustache. MTV News reports that Bieber recently used Instagram for a close-up facial shot introducing "Rick my stash," which seems to consist of 12 or so wispy brown hairs above his upper lip. Alas, Bieber failed to say why he has decided to name his mustache Rick, so in absence of an official explanation, let's all assume it's a tribute to Richard the Lionheart, who boasted a mustache that all men can aspire to.

2. Ian McKellen is officiating Patrick Stewart's wedding
When it comes to true love, even superheroes and supervillains can bury the hatchet. On a recent appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show, Ian McKellen announced that he's going to officiate Patrick Stewart's wedding — or, if you speak nerd, Magneto/Gandalf announced that he's going to officiate Professor X/Jean-Luc Picard's wedding. Vulture reports that the upcoming wedding will take place "in the middle of America, somewhere," which should narrow it down for any aspiring wedding crashers.

3. Tom Cruise might star in a Man from U.N.C.L.E. movie
The gossip trades were buzzing today over reports that Tom Cruise might appear in a big-screen reboot of a popular 60s spy TV show — and no, this story isn't from 1996. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Cruise is in early talks to give the Mission: Impossible treatment to Warner Bros.' upcoming film version of The Man from U.N.C.L.E., which Guy Ritchie is currently slated to direct. No other details are currently available, but we're going to go out on a limb and say that Cruise will probably do that thing where he runs like a crazy person.

4. You weren't invited to Justin Timberlake's cool album release party
On Monday night, Justin Timberlake threw the hottest party in Los Angeles — and you weren't invited. MTV News reports that Timberlake celebrated the release of The 20/20 Experience at a party called "Target Presents the iHeartRadio Album Release Party With Justin Timberlake," a title that sets a bold new standard in irritating synergy. Though you didn't make the guest list, you can watch footage from the party on The CW tonight. So feel free to put on your suit and tie and drink some bubbly to celebrate the album's release in your cold, Timberlake-less apartment. 

5. Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters is getting a sequel
Today, in news sure to excite absolutely no one but a Hollywood producer: Variety reports that Paramount and MGM have begun developing a sequel to January's Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, because the first movie somehow grossed more than $200 million, despite terrible reviews and the collective yawn that seemed to greet its existence. But even if the project goes into production, Hansel and Gretel: Even More Witch Hunting, or Whatever won't hit theaters for at least a couple years. In the meantime, you'll have to get your "dark fairy tale" fix from one of the several dozen other options currently available.