1. Lindsay Lohan loses lawsuit against Pitbull
In news that's sure to make gossip columnists across the globe breathe a sigh of relief, a New York federal judge has confirmed that it's officially okay to make fun of Lindsay Lohan. The judge swatted down the actress' 2011 lawsuit against rapper Pitbull, which stemmed from the relatively tame lyric "I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan" in Pitbull's single "Give Me Everything." Gigwise reports that the judge ruled that the First Amendment was more important that Lohan's "emotional distress," and added that the actress' name "was barely mentioned in the song anyway" — though it will certainly be mentioned plenty of times in all the articles about her failed lawsuit against Pitbull.

2. Zero-time Oscar winner Ethan Hawke thinks the Oscars are "asinine"
Ethan Hawke doesn't care that he wasn't nominated for an Academy Award this year because the awards ceremony is "so asinine" anyway. "It's why they like to announce the grosses of movies, because it's a way of saying 'This one is No. 1'," says Hawke, whose last movie opened at No. 3. "Look at how many stupid forgettable movies have won Oscars and how many mediocre performers have Oscars above their fireplace," continues Hawke, who once starred in Daybreakers, a movie about vampires in the year 2019 that was somehow not nominated for an Oscar.

3. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore will finally complete that trilogy no one knew they were making
Because America just can't get enough of the sizzling-hot chemistry between Adam Sandler and his Wedding Singer/50 First Dates costar Drew Barrymore, Warner Bros. reportedly plans to pair the actors for a third time in an upcoming, currently untitled romantic comedy. Deadline explains that the film is about a couple who find themselves stuck together, along with their children from previous marriages, in a resort after a "disastrous blind date" — which is apparently the film's actual premise, and not just a story that sprung from some kind of generic-romantic-comedy-spawning machine.

4. Taylor Swift wants a new British boyfriend to replace the one she had last year
Attention, hunky British teens who aren't afraid of being openly mocked by an international pop star: Taylor Swift wants to date you. While attending a party after the Brit Awards on Wednesday, Swift was "repeatedly overheard saying she would love to find herself a British boyfriend," reports Radar Online, because that went so well last time. An onlooker added that Swift "was the center of attention, which she appeared to love," in a surprising departure from the low profile she usually keeps. 

5. Megan Fox, Michael Bay to reunite for Ninja Turtles reboot
Transformers director Michael Bay and former star Megan Fox didn't have the most amicable of partings — what with her comparing Bay to Hitler, and subsequently quitting/being fired from the third Transformers film. But Bay and Fox have reportedly buried the hatchet for the noblest of causes: The new Ninja Turtles movie. MTV News reports that Fox finally agreed to join the film, on which Bay serves as a producer, after director Jonathan Liebesman "wowed her with storyboards" — a strategy that hopeful, desperate teenage boys should probably keep in mind.