In its annual TIME 100 issue, Time Magazine profiles the people who "most affect our world" — with Sarah Palin and Lady Gaga leading the way in 2010. But accompanying the release of this year's list is writer Joel Stein's irreverent ranking of the least influential players on the world stage. Here, a sampling from Stein's catalog of non-notables:
"It's hard to be influential when you have no clue how the world works. You don't explain how ungay you are by saying that you just were having tickle fights with the guys you live with, like you did when you were in the Navy. Liberace was more subtle."
"Betty White has usurped all the power from remaining Golden Girls."
Founder of MySpace
"Have you clicked on MySpace lately? It's like you wandered into some section of Las Vegas so seedy it should be in Tampa. You can get venereal diseases just from logging on."
The mother of "Balloon Boy"
"Any wife who can't talk her husband out of that plan really has no influence."
Until recently, the tallest building in the world
"On January 4, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai made the Taipei 101 irrelevant. You think little boys read the Guinness Book of World Records and ask their dads: 'One day, do you think I can go to the top of the second-tallest building in the world?'"