What happened
A Web site called GenesSecret.com posted a video showing a man it identified as Gene Simmons, the ageing KISS bassist, having sex with a much younger woman. Simmons has two children with his partner of 20 years, former Playboy model Shannon Tweed, and was reportedly furious. “You may have heard or seen garbage that has sprung up from my past,” said a message on Simmons’ Web site. “Rest assured, the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options." (eFluxMedia)

What the commentators said
“Mine eyes!” said the blog Holy Moly. Simmons claims he has slept with nearly 5,000 women, but he sadly “didn’t think to leak a tape” of the action in his heyday. So we are left with the image of Simmons at 58 with “a model half his age,” in an encounter so forgettable that he didn’t “even bother taking his T-Shirt and underwear off!”

At least mankind finally knows how “a man with hair that dire” managed to “have sex with every female on the planet at least once,” said Stuart Heritage in Hecklerspray. His secrets “mainly seem to involve moving really slowly, 1980s soft rock powerballads, keeping your T-shirt on, not taking the chewing gum out of your mouth, being repeatedly refused kisses, and generally giving off the impression that you hate every single minute of it.”

“A Paris Hilton sex tape is titillating, if expected,” said Ann Turner in GayWired.com. “An American Idol Jessica Sierra sex tape is at least amusing." But did we really have to see this? It doesn’t really matter whether the man in this boring, black-and-white video—now available for paid download—is really Simmons, or whether the scandal is really a publicity stunt. “The real question" is whether "anyone really cares to see a 58-year-old rock star with his pants around his ankles."