ISIS has banned indoor cat sex
The Islamic State knows what it takes to successfully conquer territory, put down insurrection, and maintain religious purity, and the answer, of course, is to not allow cats to have sex inside of houses.
Learning from the mistakes of empires past — Rome, for instance, was notorious for letting cats get it on wherever they wanted — ISIS's Central Fatwa Committee has issued a ban on indoor cat breeding in Mosul, the last major city the terrorist organization controls in Iraq. "ISIS called on the residents of Mosul to obey the fatwa and not violate it," reported Al Sumaria News, an Iraqi outlet. "ISIS issued dozens of fatwas in Mosul based on its vision, ideology, and beliefs."
The ban comes as something of a surprise, since kittens have played a key role in ISIS's social media presence; fighters often pose with cats as a recruitment ploy to suggest life with ISIS has a lot of murder but also cute cuddle times. "Soft towards the creation of Allah," wrote one militant in the caption of a cat photo, "but fierce and harsh towards the disbelievers."
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Bonnie Kristian was a deputy editor and acting editor-in-chief of TheWeek.com. She is a columnist at Christianity Today and author of Untrustworthy: The Knowledge Crisis Breaking Our Brains, Polluting Our Politics, and Corrupting Christian Community (forthcoming 2022) and A Flexible Faith: Rethinking What It Means to Follow Jesus Today (2018). Her writing has also appeared at Time Magazine, CNN, USA Today, Newsweek, the Los Angeles Times, and The American Conservative, among other outlets.
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