Opinion

What matters most

A conservative lawyer fought against gay marriage — until his stepdaughter came out

The personal is the political, so it is said, and every week brings new proof of this maxim's truth. A year ago, conservative attorney Charles Cooper appeared before the U.S. Supreme Court to argue in favor of California's ban on gay marriage. Today, Cooper — a self-described constitutional "originalist" who served in the Reagan administration — is planning his stepdaughter Ashley's marriage to "a lovely young woman named Casey." Ashley's happy, Cooper explained, noting, "My views evolve on issues like this the same as other people's do." Exactly so. Just consider the example of Dick Cheney, a man not known for warm and fuzzy liberal sentiments. After his lesbian daughter, Mary, married her partner in 2012, Cheney pronounced himself "delighted." When your gay children, siblings, cousins, and friends come out, you just want them to be happy, like anyone else.

Decades ago, I saw my father go through a similar evolution. A conservative World War II vet, he pretended not to know my brother Byron was gay, and uneasily kept his distance from my brother's dedicated partner. Then, at the height of the AIDS epidemic, Byron fell gravely ill. All reservations fell away; my dad literally took Byron in his arms and carried him into a hospital. For the next year, he, my mom, and Byron's partner, Johnny, became a seamless team devoted to my brother's care and comfort. At the memorial service, Dad flung his arm over Johnny's shoulder and mixed with a room full of gay men, sharing stories about my brother, laughing with them, hugging them, crying. They loved Byron, and so did he, and nothing else mattered. That's the power of love: It's always what matters most.

More From...

Picture of William FalkWilliam Falk
Read All
The photos we don't see
people visit the memorial set up near the Allen Premium Outlets mall.
Editor's letter

The photos we don't see

The gender wars
a chalkboard with a list of gender pronouns.
Editor's letter

The gender wars

Destroying court credibility
Supreme Court building in New York.
Editor's letter

Destroying court credibility

The worship of weapons
A woman looks up and prays at the Memorial held at The Covenant School after the shooting.
Editor's letter

The worship of weapons

Recommended

The Week contest: Lighthouse B&B
Pigeon Point Lighthouse.
Feature

The Week contest: Lighthouse B&B

Is protected land really protected?
Grand Canyon.
Briefing

Is protected land really protected?

Going into debt for a bachelorette
Bachelorette decor on a pink background.
Briefing

Going into debt for a bachelorette

Orlando's Gay Days draws LGBTQ crowds to Disney World amid DeSantis feud
Gay Days at Walt Disney World in 2023
Come as You Are

Orlando's Gay Days draws LGBTQ crowds to Disney World amid DeSantis feud

Most Popular

Ban the Bible?
Holy Bible.
Briefing

Ban the Bible?

What is Mike Pence thinking?
Former Vice President Mike Pence on a motorcycle
Talking point

What is Mike Pence thinking?

CNN CEO Chris Licht steps down
Chris Licht
so long

CNN CEO Chris Licht steps down