Dear Starshine,
How can I support my bad actor friends without having to sit through yet another badly produced, terribly acted "fringe" piece?
Good news! You don't have to go to any of those shows!
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That's entirely untrue, of course. I was acting. Did you like my performance? I felt like it was a little rushed tonight. Something was off with the audience. What did you think? No, really, I want to know…
Look, actor friends are a needy bunch, and you totally have to go. But it's not your responsibility to boost box office sales, ensure a full house, or generate uproarious applause during your pals' curtain calls. Your job is merely to show up often enough (once a year? twice?) to see your friends' passion in action — to watch them do their thang and try to appreciate why they love it.
How do you let them know you won't be at every show? I say be blunt: "God help me, I love you thespians, but if I have to sit through seven hours of 'Angels in America' at the community center, I might actually die."
However you beg off, don't make excuses. It implies… well, that you need one. If your friend owned a restaurant, you wouldn't feel the need to eat there every week, or to apologize for not doing so. When your bad-actor buddy reminds you that his show opens Friday, simply say, "Can't make it this time, my friend. But break a leg — and I hope to hear all about it afterwards. Coffee next week?"
If you can remain friends with someone who stinks up a stage, then surely he or she can remain loyal to someone who doesn't live for poorly paced avant-garde one-acts. Performed kabuki-style. And set to a dub step beat.
In the future, though, when casting for the role of Your Friend, it might be wise to hold auditions.
Send me your dilemmas via email: ToughLove@TheWeek.com. And follow me on Twitter: @ToughLoveAdvice.
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