Good week, Bad week

Good week for:

Skipping dessert, after the fabulously wealthy city of Dubai launched a campaign to get its increasingly chubby citizens to lose weight, saying it would reward dieters with a gram of gold for every kilogram—roughly 2.2 pounds—they shed.

Rebranding, after the rapper Jay-Z announced that he was dropping the hyphen from his stage name, and would henceforth be known as Jay Z. He didn’t explain why.

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Teamwork, after dozens of Tokyo commuters pushed a 32-ton train carriage away from the platform, freeing a woman who had fallen into the 8-inch gap between the train and platform during the morning rush hour. The woman emerged unscathed.

Bad week for:

Tiger Woods, who not only played badly in the final two rounds of the British Open, but was widely criticized for spitting all over the course. “Somebody now has to come behind him and maybe putt over his spit,” said British sportscaster Ewen Murray.

Red tape, after the Department of Agriculture demanded that magicians who use rabbits in their acts submit plans on how they’d save the animals in a natural disaster. Magician Gary Maurer said he would carry a note reading, “‘Take rabbit with you when you leave.’ That’s my plan.”

Making the boyfriend happy, after a Russian woman was found naked outside her apartment with her head stuck in a staircase handrail. She told police that she had been trying to “spice things up” with her boyfriend. The ungrateful cad fled the scene.