1. Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber split up again
At this point, if you want to know if Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are on again or off again, you should probably just flip a coin. But if you absolutely must know the latest verified information on the status of the star-crossed pop stars' relationship, take it from Gomez herself, who MTV News says confirmed that she's single once again. "So sometimes you may see a boy walking down the street and he says, 'Let's grab a ice cream,' you're available?" asked a Boston DJ with an oddly Norman Rockwell-ian concept of how celebrities date. "Yep," Gomez replied. Readers can presumably look forward to tomorrow's update, in which the couple reconciles after Bieber shows up at Gomez's place with a pint of Rocky Road.
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2. Beyonce might be pregnant again, according to wild and baseless speculation
Is Beyonce Knowles pregnant again? That's the question on most gossip columnists' lips today. Fortunately, we already have an answer: Almost definitely not! "Baby no. 2?" asks the New York Post, citing unnamed sources and blog photos "of what looks like a baby bump," relying on the same crack reporting that has turned up pictures of UFOs, the Loch Ness monster, and a still-living Elvis Presley for decades.
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3. Kanye West doesn't want to hang out with the Kardashians for some reason
Kim Kardashian is six months pregnant with Kanye West's baby, which seems like a good time to hunker down with family — but for some strange and mysterious reason, West has allegedly been avoiding quality time with the Kardashian clan. "He's ambivalent about spending time with Kim and the family unit," says a source at Radar Online. "As everyone knows, the Kardashians are a tight-knit group so it has comes as a shock to everyone that Kanye just doesn't want to spend time with them." Of course, the average Keeping Up With the Kardashians viewer can probably think of a few hundred reasons why West might not want to spend time with Kim's family.
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4. Chris Brown is being fined over his creepy graffiti art
Chris Brown's latest act of super-villainy: Refusing to paint over a mural that has "literally frightened" the children in his neighborhood. The Los Angeles Times reports that the walls of Brown's Hollywood Hills home sport a large painted mural featuring several angry, fanged monsters, which are a violation of city code that could earn him a fine of $376. "I know a $300 fine is probably pocket change. But hopefully and maybe, he'll just see the light and decide to be a good neighbor," says Hollywood Dell Civic Association president Patti Negri, who has apparently never picked up a tabloid before.
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5. The Backstreet Boys are going on tour this summer
Because there's no amount of nostalgia that can't be traded on for cold, hard cash, '90s boy band the Backstreet Boys are going on tour again. RyanSeacrest.com reports that the band's upcoming tour will be called "In a World Like This," as in, "in a world like this, a group of middle-aged men can coast on their pre-packaged pop appeal for 20 consecutive years." Never has there been a greater need for the phrase "Backstreet's back. All right" to have a long, mournful sigh in the middle of it.
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