Eddie Van Halen has always been terrified of performing, said David Curcurito in Esquire. When he was 7 years old, his family emigrated from the Netherlands to Pasadena, Calif., and Van Halen was recruited into his father’s wedding band. “It wasn’t like, ‘So what do you want to do in life?’” says the rock guitarist. “Dad said, ‘We’ve got to make a living.’ If it weren’t for music, we wouldn’t have survived.” The young Van Halen was a musical virtuoso, but would shake with nerves whenever he faced an audience. At age 12, he asked his dad how he could conquer his stage fright. His father handed him a shot of vodka and a Pall Mall cigarette. “And I go, ‘Oh, this is good! It works!’” He spent much of the next four decades in an alcoholic haze. “For so long, it really did work. I would do blow and drink, then I’d go to my room and write music.” Van Halen sobered up in 2008, but still misses the crutch that booze provided. “It does enable you to lower your inhibitions. At the same time, it also gives you a false sense that what you’re doing is great. Now I’m so afraid of everything that sometimes I’m afraid to pick up the guitar.”
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