Cricket fans are the most obnoxious of all sports fans, said Andrew Dyson in the Melbourne Age. At most sporting events, excited crowds can execute an orderly “Mexican wave,” in which the fans stand up briefly in a mass action that ripples around the arena. Cricket fans, though, can’t manage this simple feat. They have to hurl bottles or shoes or whatever they’ve brought with them when they stand up, so desperate are they for physical movement after being “bored rigid” by the “soul-destroying” tedium of the game. That’s why Cricket Australia has banned the wave. Pro-wave activist Matthew Newton, who keeps getting ejected from games for instigating waves, is fighting a losing battle. His heart is in the right place: The lad attends games shirtless, with “Save the Mexican Wave” written on his chest and “Don’t Throw Things” written on his back. But he can’t single-handedly reform thousands of drunken fans. Instead, we should adopt “the royal wave—a restricted circular motion of the right hand.” It “does not obstruct the view of those behind.” Even better, “it is ill-suited for the propulsion of rubbish.”
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