"Gentle parenting" is having a rough time of late. After years of being the parenting style du jour – and the inspiration for mountains of "momfluencer" social media content – the empathy-heavy, punishment-free child-rearing method is facing a backlash.
With "gentle parenting", the "naughty step is out, talking feelings through is in", said Ed Cumming in The Telegraph. The theory is that if you focus on your child's "motivations and feelings", rather than "guiding them with punishment or shame", you will equip them "better for adult life". But surveys and "frazzled" posts on parenting forums suggest parents are "tiring of deferring to their child's every whim".
'Children know they're sometimes bad' Gentle parenting "professes to foster compassion and emotional self-understanding" in children, said self-professed sceptic Marilyn Simon on UnHerd. Throwing a tantrum is a sign of frustration, so "should be understood, not punished", because "for a gentle parent, children aren't bad". Whether or not you agree with this premise, "the worst part" is "the tone of voice" that "gentle parents" adopt. "You know the voice. 'What kind of choice do we want to make, Aiden?' 'Ella, we use gentle voices with each other.'" The gentle approach can come across as condescending, even to a child.
In truth, "most children know that they're sometimes bad" and "the job of the parent is not to prevent any potential 'trauma'; it is to love the child even when they are bad, and to punish them, and most importantly to forgive them".
'Godsend' While practising gentle parenting "has not been the easiest thing in the world", it has ultimately been a "godsend", said enthusiasts Allie and Chris Bullivant at the Institute for Family Studies. Parents can never be perfect, but they can help their child to navigate emotion and conflict more gracefully.
It's clear that while gentle parenting might be having a wobbly moment, said Helen Rumbelow in The Times, the days of Gina Ford's "strict schedules", of "Supernanny" and her "threatening time-outs", are largely gone. The calls for strictness and punishments have been muted, although "that doesn’t mean they aren't out there" – after all, "fashions in parenting veer like a child on a swing". |