Rooney fluffs his lines as San Marino keeper prevents a rout
Aldo Simoncini stars at Wembley as minnows keep it respectable against England
England 5 San Marino 0. So a good result for San Marino, then. The microstate ranked bottom of Fifa's 208 nations avoided a cricket score in their Euro 16 qualifier and leaked only five against England. In comparison to the 13-0 scoreline inflicted upon them by Germany in a Euro 2008 qualifier, 5-0 has an air of respectability about it.
But it was still a defeat, their 60th straight loss (the only triumph in San Marino's history was a friendly win against Liechtenstein in 2004) and once again raises the validity of allowing them – along with Andorra and Gibraltar – to compete in the top tier of international football.
It does nobody any good, except one imagines the self-important suits within Uefa, who pat each other on the back and marvel at the inclusivity of their organisation.
Subscribe to The Week
Escape your echo chamber. Get the facts behind the news, plus analysis from multiple perspectives.
Sign up for The Week's Free Newsletters
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
From our morning news briefing to a weekly Good News Newsletter, get the best of The Week delivered directly to your inbox.
The only thing to marvel at on Thursday night was the fact that 55,990 fans (almost double the size of San Marino's population) parted with their cash to watch this one-sided mismatch.
Poor Joe Hart in the England goal could be counted among their number. His contribution to his side's victory involved little more than fetching the ball from behind the goal after a long-range effort Matteo Vitaioli sailed wide. That was the extent of the visitors' aggression in attack; otherwise the plucky but painfully limited San Marino side spent the evening chasing England shadows. One of the more surreal stats to emerge from the first-half was that San Marino goalkeeper Aldo Simoncini made more passes than any of his team-mates.
In fact Simoncini, a computer science student, was the standout performer on the pitch, the veteran keeper – who has now conceded 176 international goals in 40 games – made a series of sharp saves, none more so than his spectacular leap to flick a Danny Welbeck header over the bar.
Alas, it was his mistake that led to England's first goal on 24 minutes, when he tripped over a teammate's outstretched leg as he came for a corner, allowing Phil Jagielka a free header. Wayne Rooney doubled the hosts' advantage on the stroke of half-time from the penalty spot, the England captain scoring his 42nd goal for his country to close within two of Jimmy Greaves on the all-time goalscoring list.
Rooney should have had a hat-trick in the second-half but his poor touch let him down on a couple of occasions, a profligacy that – as we saw in the World Cup – hurts England in the big matches.
There were however second-half goals from Welbeck, Andros Townsend and an own goal from Alessandro della Valle to keep the fans amused on what overall was a muted atmosphere at Wembley.
England now top their qualifying group with two wins from two and travel to Estonia for Sunday's third match in good heart. "We worked hard to break down a stubborn team," declared manager Roy Hodgson. "What also impressed me was the players' desire to work hard to get the ball back. If they can develop those skills then it would stand them in good stead going forward."
Sign up for Today's Best Articles in your inbox
A free daily email with the biggest news stories of the day – and the best features from TheWeek.com
-
Why Bhutan hopes tourists will put a smile back on its face
Under The Radar The 'kingdom of happiness' is facing economic problems and unprecedented emigration
By Chas Newkey-Burden, The Week UK Published
-
7 beautiful towns to visit in Switzerland during the holidays
The Week Recommends Find bliss in these charming Swiss locales that blend the traditional with the modern
By Catherine Garcia, The Week US Published
-
The Week contest: Werewolf bill
Puzzles and Quizzes
By The Week US Published
-
Jimmy Greaves: the greatest striker England has ever seen
feature World of football pays tribute to the legendary goalscorer and broadcaster
By The Week Staff Published
-
Premier League 2020-21 predictions and odds: champions, top four, relegation
The Week Recommends A look at what the football media has to say ahead of the new season
By Mike Starling Published
-
Paris Saint-Germain vs. Bayern Munich: Alphonso Davies expects a ‘goalfest’
The Week Recommends Key talking points ahead of the Champions League final
By Mike Starling Published
-
Man City’s ‘World Cup’: Pep Guardiola’s team bid for Champions League glory
The Week Recommends Sky Blues prepare for a potential three knockout games in eight days in Portugal
By Mike Starling Published
-
On the prowl for No.16: Tiger Woods is geared up for PGA Championship challenge
The Week Recommends First major of the year will be held behind closed doors at TPC Harding Park
By The Week Staff Published
-
The Players: a big opportunity awaits defending champion Rory McIlroy
The Week Recommends World No.1 golfer aims to become the first back-to-back winner of the PGA Tour’s flagship event
By The Week Staff Published
-
F1 Australian GP finally cancelled after McLaren withdraw
The Week Recommends McLaren team member tests positive for coronavirus
By The Week Staff Last updated
-
Premier League: Man United maintain superiority over City
The Week Recommends Ole Gunnar Solksjaer's side have beaten City three times this season, and result leaves Liverpool close to title
By The Week Staff Published