Speed Reads

Colbert Nationalism

Mad over Cuba, Colbert calls for a U.S. trade embargo on Vatican City

"I have said for the last nine years that the Cold War never ended," Stephen Colbert said on his second-to-last Colbert Report Wednesday night. "And now I have proof, because today, it ended." Not that "Stephen Colbert" is happy that President Obama is normalizing relations with Cuba. ("No, no, bad nation!" he scolded when the audience cheered the news.)

Adding insult to injury, Colbert had to spread the blame to "Popebama," Pope Francis, who helped broker the landmark U.S.-Cuba thaw. "Come on, Frank!" Colbert said angrily, pointing at the pope. "Is there nothing this lunatic won't heal with compassion?" So he called for a U.S. "trade embargo on Vatican City," depriving Americans of "Harlequin security pantaloons." Still, Colbert made the most of the eased Cuba restrictions in the way you might expect from a person with good taste and a month of between-jobs vacation coming up. --Peter Weber