Speed Reads

Colbert Nationalism

Stephen Colbert gleefully mocks Rick Perry's 'metrosexual' presidential ambitions

The Democrats only have Hillary Clinton for 2016, but Republicans have "a buffet of enticing options," said Stephen Colbert on Wednesday night's Colbert Report. But his "personal favorite," Colbert added, is "Texas Governor — and cartoon of a Texas governor — Rick Perry." He walked through all the things that crashed-and-burned Perry's 2012 presidential run, culminating in his infamous "oops" moment during a debate, when he could only list two of three federal agencies he'd pledged to eliminate.

But after "two years of agonizing reappraisal, the governor has completely reinvented himself — with a pair of glasses," Colbert said. The fashionable glasses have drawn some criticism — one Texas official called him a "West Coast metrosexual" — but Colbert insisted that the spectacles make Perry "look smarter, more serious, and... [long pause] ...oops." Still, that's not the only cosmetic change: Perry has also given up his cowboy boots, to protect his bad back. Perry's switch to loafers is too much for Colbert: A Texas governor swearing-off cowboy boots is "like the governor of Colorado turning his bong back into an apple." Or something. --Peter Weber